PARENTAL ALIENATION was recognized since the mid-1980s. It was held that a custodial parent’s interference with the relationship between a child and a non-custodial parent is “an act so inconsistent with the BEST INTEREST OF THE CHILD. It also raises a strong probability that the offending party is UNFIT TO ACT AS A PARENT.”
“Why should children who were initially close to both parents suddenly seek to reject one of them following an acrimonious SEPARATION”.
May 9, 2008 at 7:46 am |
Dear Friends,
It is precisely because of the above that PEMALIK is organising a forum titled “Psychological Issues Affecting Children of Parents Facing Divorce/Custody Battles” to create awareness of the problems encounter from a legal-medico, social and psychological standpoint (24th May2008) and how Jabatan Kebajikan Masyarakat and other NGOs can play a proactive role in helping to alleviate the plight of those affected.
PEMALIK subcribes to an ‘Early Intervention’ Programme where affected couples are made aware of what children need after their their separation/divorce from their maintenance, education and most importantly how to share the upbringing of the children.
We advocate that children see “a lot” of both parents. We also support the preservation of the ‘family unit’ and shared parenting instead of ‘CUSTODY’ (A WORD to be removed from the Family Court terminology) if all else fails.
May 12, 2008 at 11:43 am |
Glad to see yourselves come in full-force to fight this “unhealthy development”.
Divorce rates are increasing and it is no longer a “BAD WORD’. In fact for some its fashionable. When we have no-sign of serious impairments then effects of divorce on children are “DISASTEROUSLY BAD”.
Divorce provides Lawyers with good source of income. Take a look at their lifestyles! Why engage Lawyers in a no-fault divorce? Asian traditions are more evolved, civil and “sacred”. We have come a long way. Elaborate ceremonial wedding are and irrelevant. Marriage has lost itz meaning.. Don’t take the plunge to marry when today’s statistics indicate high probabillity for divorce.
I hate injustice be it Family Court or anywhere. So are you ready to fight for Just-Ice. You don’t have pity on your children caught in this situation. It is very “unfair and unjust”. And if you are yet to know, your misery will make vultures fleece your money. Oh I forgot, its your ego you care most!
Children have every right to both parent(s) in their lives unless there is abuse – physical or emotional. Parental Alienation is abuse. Are we civilised. It think we have animal instincts too!
A promise amongst two parties was made and much effort put to have children! That’s Joint Responsibility! So you who ever taught you to be smart to beat the system and dump your spouse to get the best deal in town. Rubbish the tales from frenz it’z not the same in every divorce.
Each guilty perpetrator got to own-up to their own folly.. soon or later they get a taste their own medicine!
May 13, 2008 at 6:29 am |
Hi there, I have 2 wonderful sons who are undergoing mental abuse by their mum (ex-wife) and her boyfriend.
My youngest was molested when he was only 4 yrs old and I have been pursuing this matter with JKM and the police since 2004.
JKM tells me that if I made too much noise, they’ll take my boys away and put them in a welfare dept. home. And they also reminded me what these homes were like. It is apparently a place where kids get sodomized !
I went to court to get a Variation Order. Here the Judge calls my boys (ages 7yrs & 14yrs) as “ungrateful children” in front of both the lawyers. Here is a Judge, a JC who could not even access the situation my kids were in or the damage that is being caused on to my children by my Ex.
I have made numerous police reports and yet NO action taken. The cops are incapable of handling this type of situation as they are unfamiliar with custody issues.
My free time is occupied with the running of a social service community center. With the little experience I gained this far, I wonder how many children have been destroyed by our welfare system? I am certain that our country is filled with social issues and the respective Ministry has a huge obligation with responsibility!
If we don’t do something about what is happening we have failed in our duty towards our children and this nation. As responsible citizens we put the people in “power” and now it’s their turn to help fix these problem. They cannot give us “PEP-TALK” or simply stand and watch. We got to do something and not just talk.
Our nation will no longer have normal kids in the next 20 years or so and it’s our fault, if we don’t do something now. If you wish to please respond to my comments and you are welcome to join us to fight for our children’s rights.
May 13, 2008 at 8:36 am |
Education and self conscience will be the key to fairness.
Rather than having “Know it all Attitude” those involved in Family Court i.e Lawyers and Judges need to be trained and re-trained on the intricacies and sensitivities involved in dealing with children.
There ought to be a WILL to enforce the execution of professional conduct and very clear code of ethics for those involved on Family matters.
Today, unnecessary remarks and comments are being uttered in closed chambers of Famly Courts. All this ends with “UNJUST ORDERS” being delivered. The ultimate victims of this mishap being the poor children. Many a time these children have been dragged to the courts by with a selfish parent with unscrupulous lawyers who have an ulterior motive i.e. “MONEY”. They do not mind to destroy the once loving bond of these innocent children with the other parent.
Here we the society at large are allowing greed and careless attitude to superceed fairness for family or human values. It is unbecoming whren we also find that courts blindly tend to grant custody to the father OR mother. This is where a non-aggressive parent who did not have the chance to brainwash the children loses out..
In doing so, courts are sending signals to tell parents to behave aggressively with their children in order to WIN CUSTODY. For eg., “run-away with your children and brainwash em” if you want to WIN custody.
In fact, all attempts must be made to reconcile both parties especially for the sake of the children. It’s better that we start to THINK OUT OF THE BOX.. there are NO winners in any divorce..
Why should the courts condon “Hostile Agressive Parenting” and reward such bad behaviour by giving them CHILD CUSTODY.
People are manipulative and got smarter. It may no longer be necessary that “What the child says is paramount”.. a lot of brainwashing of children is taking place.. Many are guilty of this.. and Courts of today cannot be oblivious to it..
The gossip to those intending divorce is take this “Cheap 7step (bad)advise” to WIN Custody. Is your love life no longer sparkling, your spouse takes you for granted; and Your Old Flame still Loves for you.. Turn your spouse to history..
Listen, this is basically how it works.. Start being BOLD and aggressive.. Plan the move.. write it down carefully then execute it..
1) “Run-Away” with your children away from home. Dont talk about past, shed it off.
The Judge would ask em who they would prefer to stay with.. and the answer will be obvious! That’s the system..
2) Go stay with your mum.. Do a school change. Find new friends and support system to “EMPOWER” yourself.
3) Make difficult for your spouse to have contact with your children.
4) Eventually, children will get used to the environment you provide in a “new home”.
5) Give em a few months or years.. you can even put a test on them “threatening em to leave you.. and they won’t..” Reasons are obvious.. This is when you are winning.
6) When this issue is brought to court, the Judge will interview your children
7) Courts don’t know about Parental Alienation. It doesnt exist in their vocalbulary.
May 15, 2008 at 9:24 am |
My problem started with the interference by Mum-In-law. MIL’s problem was her insecure and lonesome feeling. It was MIL’s long awaited desire to have my kids for her old age. Since I was not much to her liking she bad-mouthed me. When Ex left, MIL had it her way. Now, my children are with her. Kids are clever to behave differently with MIL or when EX around fearing repercussions.
In addition, EX selfish aunties, cousins former (lovers) so called frenz interferred during our marriage. It aggravated the divide which lead to break-up.
Many have played on the feelings of guilt and some empathised my kids. Such are typical going-ons for my children today.
These are the real “devils” used my kids as a weapon against me.. They have told frenz-in-common that my children do not want to speak to me making sure such news wud reach me. Alot of cuning tactics and ploys all designed from time to time to undermine my love for my children.
Having successfully got my kids to their side, they then tell my kids that it is alright and that all is okay and they do not need to be with their father.
My children have been robed and deprived of a fatherly love by force. Maintenace had never been an issue even so it has been used to further run me (a “non-custodial” spouse) down.
Will anyone out there ever care! My children have been have been manipulated for selfish reasons by my EX and her mum! Is there an appropriate punishment for such selfish acts? Is there fairness?
WINNERS: Break-up instigators, Custodial Spouse & of course both the DIVORCE LAWYERS on both sides.
LOSERS: Children, Non-Custodial Spouse, Extended Family n those who care about injustice
May 15, 2008 at 4:57 pm |
Frenz,
You would be shocked to know lots worse things goes unreported. What do you think.. is there press freedom. Face reality newspapers and their reporting are vetted by people for their masters ends. Now that your are here this is Food for your thot !
1) P.A.- True Account fm Adult
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5DmVVXbJDL8&NR=1
2) P.A. Awareness
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pIiYNPu-Iuw&feature=related
3) P.A, – The Ultimate Hate Crime
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qsqfiuD06_A&feature=related
4) Do you know MISANDRY
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zqSASu1Qqrg
5) My Son – P.A. Father’s plight in Singapore
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-JiQR5rVboQ&feature=email
This is all too fashionable for some bent and selfish married ones who want children for themselves. Here is a revelation of what “any unsuspecting married person” may have to put up with. If you are a victim then don’t be silent – sound your siren. In all fairness it is Just-Ice out there! You can be left in the lurch. Stand-up for your rights! You are not alone.
May 21, 2008 at 8:06 am |
Dear Friend, when your relationship starts to fail, whatever you say or do will be construed with suspicion by your spouse. So here’s a tip.. Be prepared to make sure your kids are with you, this will be your insurance on your EXIT.. Learnt from a bad experience of a friend..
Your much respected Mother-In-Law too been long waiting for this opportunity. Your spouse’s EX-LOVER will also come in the background – lurking n waiting to pounce. These cunning people will get what they want for their own interest.
You will be taught to brainwash your children to hate your spouse.. If that is not enuff, find an Unscrupulous Friend/Counsellor/Pastor with his or her “best interest at their heart”. Your marriage becomes history. It will be manoeuvred in such a way dat u are in are wat street and at a point of no return. Face the dirty side of humankind!
May 28, 2008 at 10:01 am |
Kudos on your splendid work on your recent FORUM – Psychological Effects on Children of Parents facing Custody Battles / Divorce.
Thanks to news media especially NST for putting it “AS IT IS” without fear or favour. NST brought “LIVE” back to reading papers.. Good on you Editor…
It is also enlightening to note that Ministry of Women and Family Development has taken an active interest with positive initiatives in this direction.. this I believe is long overdue..
Face it.. a lot of work to be done here from right from the Marriage Tribunal (a rubber stamping office) and the Judiciary/Family or Kangaroo Courts. It also time for the Lawmakers to take the next bold lstep.
You have taken right step to correctly PIN-POINT” problem area in our society filled with Single Parents and Juvenile Delinquents.
We are good to imitate the bad influences of WEST (but not the good ones yet)… With the continuation of this trend we are becoming a “SCUM SOCIETY” rather than a “CARING SOCIETY” !
I applaud your BOLD moves to highlight the antiquated Legal systems to the benefit of divorce lawyers, break-up instigators and bad spouses.
It’s now up to the government to take pro-active measures and take heed of good suggestions. Put the tax payers money to good use to make your living worth every RINGGIT and SEN..
Whats going on is many non-aggressive spouses suffer in silence. They talk in coffee shops, at hair saloons, with Taxi Driivers, gossip n editorial columns.
Hats off to PEMALIK, you have guts to voice such issues which are of extreme importance and grave concern to Malaysian society n the next generation..
Many would not put time, energy n resources to bring such issues to the forefront.
PEMALIK, you boldly put the plight of those affected in the limelight without being political.
The authorities shud start doing the right thing and make a change in the right direction.. We not only rely on politicians.. It’s time even administrators listen to associations like PEMALIK.. Congratz.. Well done keep up the excellent work..
June 2, 2008 at 7:05 am |
Everyday was like days in hell for the last one year of living together after a 10 year marriage.
Its was constant emotional abuse by the agressive parent. The more I gave in to tolerate the inconsiderate behaviour the more the bullying took place. It was leading towards violence and luckily enough then separation took place. Well. it didnt get ANY BETTER.. There was lotz of influence coming from self interested parties and (new or ex)-lovers. My EX successfully programmed my kids to hate me. Surprisingly this person got sympathy of an old frenz also a Church Pastor – assumed “MarriageCounseller”.
Such are types of people have wantingly meddled with my precious family. My children were used as pawns against me. This has scar my kids so deeply that it will remain in their lives forever.
I wish these instigators can be brought to court for interferring leading this breakdown. This will not end here as I trust God who will watch over all this.
Any person initiating any divorce wud have to take a big step back, look at the bigger picture. Ask themselves, “What motivates them?” “What is best for their children?” “How will their actions affect the children?”
When my kids get older they will surely recognize all the lies and misdirected anger..
Many times separating adults act so IMMATURELY! They seem to forget that their children were able to love them both while they were together, and if both parent(s) would just grow up, the children would continue to love them even with divorce.
JUDGES need to be retrained too! They ought to put themselves in the shoes of both party. Understand Parental Alienation. Today, many experts are available to testify on the subject. Parental Alienation is as broad as daylight and a happening thing!
Any parent willing to allow/promote healthy relationship with the other parent is a “friendly parent” . When such culture is dopted the pain and suffering will go away.
It may be difficult to allow lawyers as they can make matters better or worse (for the sake of the MONEY they earn). A lot depends on code of ethics and their standard of qualities. It’s about time we created an independent body for this purpose.
Above are my thots based on my experience and also a real story.
June 2, 2008 at 3:42 am |
Extracted from Malaysia Today:
http://www.malaysia-today.net/2008/content/view/8248/84/
Are we ignoring our children in our judicial system?
When demanding a Judicial Commission to be set up to appoint Judges, are we forgetting the children affected by the system?
On 24th May, Pemalik organized a forum on “Psychological Issues affecting Children of Parents facing Divorce/Custody Battles” where issues were discussed on a legal-psychological-social perspective. Shocking facts were revealed by the eminent speakers as well as from the floor. Just imagine:
1) There is only One Family Court in the whole of Malaysia!
2) That it takes as long as 12 years before a divorce is final!
With multi-affidavits for a divorce, custody proceedings, numerous postponements and even variations on a custody order, a child would sometimes be suffering the effects of the conflict throughout these many years.
3) That in all states (except KL), hearings for divorce cases are mixed together with other criminal cases. Can you imagine children in a public gallery being asked in a custody hearing which parent they prefer; especially in a situation where parental alienation has taken place and the children are already traumatized by the warring parents. Are we so blind that we can expect a presiding Judge, with a backlog of cases and probably just having taken over the case, to provide a wise decision whereby the future of the children are determined? With the increasing rate of divorce (total for past 12 years exceeding 200,000), can you imagine the quality of justice we are meting out?
4) We have yet to amend certain sections of the Law Reform (Marriage & Divorce) Act 1976 and Child Act 2001 to conform to changing needs. Section 95 pertaining to maintenance needs to be studied and the hue and cry of our women MPs on this issue to be addressed.
5) That our Marriage Tribunal is merely rubber-stamping licenses to divorce!We need to be aware that our laws are antiquated and Something needs to be Done.
Pemalik’s (www.pemalik.org) proposal to provide a solution is most encouraging; which is to set up a Panel of Experts comprising psychologists, psychiatrists, child counselors and social welfare workers to guide the divorcing couple on issues of custody, maintenance, education, upbringing and finance, and any other relevant legal issues and then the findings be forwarded to the Judge for decision-making.
The key to all this is Joint Responsibility and not Joint Custody! (Nobody is fighting any battle! The only winning points are the saving of legal fees and the time of all affected.) We can even call this an “Early Intervention Project” as we can advise conflicting couples before it gets to the ‘DIVORCE’ stage.
The preservation of the ‘FAMILY UNIT’ is the ultimate objective. We hope you will support this proposal.
June 4, 2008 at 4:13 am |
“JUST-ICE”
What makes the greatest difference in a Family Court? Yr facts? Yr lawyer? Yr Ex? Yr Children? Yrself? Answer: None. Today, the single greatest factor on whether you receive JUSTICE is simply the JUDGE.
We hear lots about it being delayed or denied at the whims of the JUDGE. Lets face it. TRUTH is JUDGES have their own problems and issues at hand and are too busy to care about YOUR MATTER. Don’t forget, JUDGES are humans too, and like most humans – they get influenced.
Remember Frenz. Nobody will understand or share the pain and suffering YOU are going thru’ apart from YOU and YOUR LOVED ONES !
Most Family Lawyers know which Judges uphold the oath to be fair as well as those who do not. But they will not always share this information with you. Today, people need to know a little more about their JUDGE or how a particular JUDGE has ruled previously.
And finally, don’t you expect your LAWYER to tell you everything. Face it your FINANCE and freedom maybe on the line !
Sounds like JUMPING FROM A FRYING PAN INTO THE FIRE! while all this is happening, your chldren and you (the non-aggressor) will have to SUFFER IN SILENCE. This is what will happen when your spouse drags you in for DIVORCE! Well, if you don’t defend yourself you are DOOMED too!
June 11, 2008 at 4:09 am |
Father’s Day – Awareness of Parental Alienation
As we celebrate Fathers’ Day this Sunday, 15th June 2008, we should be mindful that in our very midst are fathers, mothers and their children who are suffering as a result of the miscarriage of Administration of Justice. We are being so primeval that although espoused the view that the ‘children’s interest is paramount” and yet result being the other way when Justice meted out.
1) Why are Children when interviewed, made to choose ONE PARENT over the other ?
2) Do Children know the implication of their choice ‘right or wrong’ they got to bear with the consequences imposed upon the family,
Whatever it is, the court seems to pronounce a ‘SENTENCE’ and play ‘GOD’ over the family. The children are then thrusted into “one parent’s hand”. This drama will continue further and the stark reality is whether the essence of children’s needs are being served!
Invariably, psychiatrist seldom recognise this situation, prefering to make their own evaluation by just listening to a child and make recommendations to the court. The result will be what you see around, a lot of traumatized children unable to adjust to their studies, demands of society and in the worst case scenario becoming misfits in society.
Recent statistics compiled by SHELTER, shows that 80% of juvenile deliquents and criminals come from broken homes.
Where is the consideration that children need both their mothers and fathers in their lives?
Why isn’t the importance of the Family Unit emphasized in the development of ‘good values’ even if the parents are on ‘bad terms’ ?
There are avenues such as ‘SHARED PARENTING’ which can provide a platform to resolve issues on the children’s education needs, maintenance, upbringing, etc,etc, between the warring spouses?
Child Custody is NOT a game, where one parent come out a ‘WINNER’ while the other parent become the losers. In real terms everyone LOSES including the children.
Parental Alienation is a scrooge of society – PUT A STOP TO ITS SPREAD! It is Child Abuse! Dont be a party to it!
To the affected Fathers, Don’t give up on your Children this Father’s Day! and to all affected Mothers Do the likewise and be strong for em!
It is time to make a change! Lets listen closely to the silent cries of these CHILDREN, the torment and aggravation they have been put through by an uncaring antiquated system.
June 11, 2008 at 2:45 pm |
I am totally against parental alienation in whatever form and from whoever as this deprives a child’s fundamental right to the love of either a father or a mother. A human being has no right to deprive another human being of his or her fatherly/motherly love through manipulation or so called “legal intervention” which in substance is subject to “human manipulation” by the agressive parent who has custody of the child. Therefore, in my opinion, only God or divine intervention can deprive a child of a parent’s love through the loss of the said parent.
Because of the fundamental right of a child has been overlooked by our current legal system and society in a divorce or separation, I congratulate the concerned citizens who establish Pemalik to look into this important and urgent issue. A child is “deprived” and his or her whole future and life is being affected simply because of the ego and selfishness of the custodial parent, who in the final analysis is not acting in the best interests of the child but in fact is practising a form of child abuse called “parental alienation”. Such a parent is not fit to be the custodial parent and yet our existing legal system can be easily manipulated to support the wishes of such an abusive parent.
Our current legal system and society norm has created a lot of anguish and pain on affected children and alienated parents. It is time that our society is brought to be aware and act on this social injustice which affects children and parents in a divorce or separation. And I hope that Pemalik will be able to do its part in breaking down this injustice on affected children and alienated parents and we should all do our part to contribute and support Pemalik in its endeavours.
June 16, 2008 at 2:40 pm |
This was brought to our attention from a PA survivor. This GIRL is now a middle aged woman. She was alienated from her father for many years. Her father was a very wise and creative man. So much so, that today, his daughter can’t be thankful enough at all the attempts her father made to reconnect.
This once, long-alienated FATHER has this to say: Don’t give up on your children ! Keep that communication going even if it is one sided. Be a role model for the behaviors you would want your child to have. Have reasonable communication WEEKLY. Be creative. Here are some ideas suggested to adopt by this survivor:
1. Sing Songs over the phone (esp. the ones you sang together)
2. Recite Poems, Poetry and inspirational messages
3. Share Stories or Jokes
4. Send little notes by SMS or other ways
5. Messages in a Bottle or a Fortune Cookie
6. Keep your Children informed about what is going on in your life
7. Send little items marked with the date (so your children will realize time is going by)
8. Send Photos/Picture albums/Wax stamp
9. Keep your Child’s Clothing that you’ve saved, reminding them of the loving memories they give.
10.Treasure Maps of places you’ve been together or might like to go together
11.Tickets to events you attended together
12.Holiday Photos/Family Photos
13.Keep Memories of Events and Holiday Celebrations
14.Writing in disappearing ink (notes would be a surprise)
15.Movie reviews and news events
16.Appreciation Letters
17.Notes wrapped around something they enjoy doing (like puzzle piece)
18.Subscriptions to Magazines they enjoy
19.Postcards of places you’ve been been together
20.E-mail Photos of Family and Friends, past and present etc.
It is important to remember that in doing everything you can to help your children grow, even in your absence. Alienated children may not understand or appreciate it now, but at some point in their lives, they will look back and understand and appreciate all you have done for them.
Being a parent might be one of the most difficult jobs there is, but it is the challenge that you have been given to help both yourselves and your children grow.
June 25, 2008 at 2:09 am |
When you were 1 year old, we fed and bathed you. You thanked us by crying all night long.
When you were 2 years old, we taught you to walk. You thanked us by running away when we called.
When you were 3 years old we made all your meals with love. You thanked us by tossing your plate on the floor.
When you were 4 years old, we gave you some crayons. You thanked us by coloring the dining room.
When you were 5 years old, we dressed you for holidays. You thanks us by plopping the nearest puddle.
When you were 6 years old we walked you to school. You thanked us by screaming “ I’m not going!”
When you were 7 years old, we bought you a baseball. You thanked us by throwing it through the next-door neighbor’s window.
When you were 8 years old, we hand you an ice cream. You thanked us by dripping it all over your lap.
When you were 9 years old, we paid for piano lessons. You thanked us by never even bothering to practice.
When you were 10 years old, we drove you all day, from soccer to gymnastic to one birthday party after another. You thanked us by jumping out of the card and never looking back.
When you were 11 years old, we took you and your friends to the movies. You thanked us by asking us to sit in a different row.
When you were 12 years old, we warned you not to watch certain TV shows. You thanked us by waiting until we left the house.
When you were 13, we suggested a haircut. You thanked us by telling us, we had no taste.
When you were 14, we paid for a month away at summer camp. You thanked her by forgetting to write us a single letter.
When you were 15, we came home from work looking for a hug. You thanked us by having your bedroom door locked.
When you were 16, we taught you know how to drive the car. You thanked us by taking it every chance you could.
When you were 17, we were expecting an important call. You thanked us by being on the phone all night.
When you were 18, we cried at your high school graduation. You thanked us by staying out partying dawn.
When you were 19, we paid for you college tuition, drove you to campus carried your bags. You thanked us by saying good-bye outside the dorm so you wouldn’t be embarrassed from your friends.
When you were 20, we asked whether you were seeing anyone. You thanked us by saying “It’s none of your business”.
When you were 21, we suggested certain careers for your future. You thanked us by saying “I don’t want to be like you”.
When you were 22, we hugged you at your college graduation. You thanked us by asking whether we could pay for a trip to Europe.
When you were 23, we gave you furniture for your first apartment. You thanked us by telling your friends it was ugly.
When you were 24, we met your fiance and asked about your plans for the future. You thanked us by glaring and growling “please”.
When you were 25, we helped to pay for your wedding, and we cried and told you how deeply we loved you. You thanked us by moving halfway across the country.
When you were 30, we called with some advice on the baby. You thanked us by telling us “Things are different now”.
When you were 40, we called to remind you of a relative birthday. You thanked us by saying you were “really busy right now”.
When you were 50, we fell ill and needed you to take care of us. You thanked us by telling us how the burden parents become to their children.
And then, one day, we quietly passed away! Everything came crashing like thunder in your HEART.
Remember, never forget to love your parents more than ever… their unconditional love and pass it on.. becos you only have one in your lifetime!
July 2, 2008 at 11:03 am |
Hi Viewers out there,
Remember, no matter who you are or what your background is, never give up on your children no matter how hard your EX behaves.
I am a campaigning Divorced Father. It’s time the society on the whole realizes it. My son lives with me and in addition he has a great relationship with his mother.
This is the very reason why I want more children and separated or divorced parents to be able to maintain ongoing relationships, and this will avoid the experiences I have had with Family Courts.
I consider myself a Lucky Dad and got wiser from my BAD EXPERIENCE. I hope to share my thots with you and hope to avoid the pain and trauma I went through just to secure both parents in the lifes of my children.
Common, if you are here, then you can do it too!
July 7, 2008 at 5:28 am |
A blind woman sat on the steps of a building with a hat by her feet. She held up a SIGN, which said: ‘I AM BLIND, PLEASE HELP’ There were only a few coins in the hat.
A man walking by took a few coins from his pocket and dropped them into the hat. He then took the SIGN, turned it around, and wrote some words. He put the sign back so that everyone who walked by would see the new words.
Soon the hat began to fill up. A lot more people were giving money to the blind woman. That afternoon the man who had changed the SIGN came to see how things were. The woman recognized his footsteps and asked, ‘Were u the one who changed my sign this morning? What did you write?’
The man said, ‘I only wrote the truth. I said what u said but in a different way.’ What he had written was: ‘TODAY IS A BEAUTIFUL DAY AND I CANNOT SEE IT’
Moral: Think differently and positively. Invite the people towards good with wisdom. Live life with no excuse and love with no regrets.. Life can give you 100 reasons to cry, show that you have 1000 reasons to smile. Face your past and handle your present with confidence. Prepare for the future without fear. Life is a mystery to solve not a problem to resolve. Enjoy Life.. and Make A Difference..
July 15, 2008 at 8:26 am |
You be the Judge !
1) Fathers’ Rights in the United States
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TJzLnSP4Tt0&feature=related
2) Sir Bob Geldof Part 3 BBC DOC on Shared/Equal Parenting
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c7TXyFQusx8
3) Father’s post-divorce with Bob Geldof – part 2-1 of 4
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YNa0fIoEx1Y
4) Father’s post-divorce with Bob Geldof – part 3-1 of 4
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YdD0ieDfTw0&feature=related
5) Divorce affects children!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ld9TNx3ig1w&feature=related
6) Why do states/courts promote divorce and rip children apart?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2QHZWxOYqRw
7) Exposing The Morally Corrupt Family Courts
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XNnr561Z3hc&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U6yAzhEf-Og&feature=related
9) Courts From Hell — Family InJustice in Canada
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dPz4kipSLSw&feature=related
10) Child Custody: Does A Mother Make A Better Parent?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bquuAb3_iyY&NR=1
11) Father’s Rights
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qLBv8q23eK8&feature=related
12) Father’s Rights and Gender Bias Discrimination
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-AVYt20dWuM&feature=related
13) Glenn Sacks – Anti-male Bias in the Media
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zcHQz-R9pro&feature=related
14) Law & You: Domestic Violence Against Men
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0qK_lL9ljDI&feature=related
15) Equal Rights for Men
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YyRxUYIjSfc&feature=related
16) Parental Alienation
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eEa__WQBnMo
17) No More Sex War
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uy70YMuH0iI&feature=related
18) Men are more oppressed than women
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AlWIfMjzBII&feature=related
19) How divorce affects children
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qMfDiGr8cPk&feature=related
20) Shared Parenting – Joint or Shared Residence Orders
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g7eqh4Eswac
21) The UN Convention on the Rights of the Child
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y_2nA49p3yw
22) Non-custodial moms
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=evnjRYPEOpU
23) Fathers-4-Justice EQUAL parenting rally
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7cvCVOROsBg&feature=related
24) Fathers-4-Justice @ Akron, Ohio
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8NyudLr_Wh8
25) Parent Alienation, fathers rights, child abuse
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hi8LradEtYo
26) Child Custody – How is it Determined?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=onN9VXhFnr4&feature=related
27) Feminists Disrupt a Forum About Battered Husbands 1
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qodygTkTUYM&feature=related
28) Men’s Movement Revealed – Sex Culture and a Mission
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ug57dOTmpmg&feature=related
29) Breaking The Lies 1 – The Gentler Sex Offender
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ECJsKrdfN7o&feature=related
30) Breaking the Lies 4 – Where Would You Hide – The TRUTH!
July 21, 2008 at 4:51 am |
SUGGESTIONS TO IMPROVE THE ADMINSTRATION OF JUSTICE IN FAMILY COURTS
In pursuit of ‘fair play’ for the thousands of Malaysians affected by to-day’s implementation of our laws with a “closed mind-set”, oblivious to the changes taking place around us, here are suggestions to ‘improve the administration of justice’ or in more common terms : That justice is seen to be done.
This is in reference to the Courts dealing with Family Issues i.e. – Divorce, Custody, Maintenance, Division of Matrimonial assets, where ‘justice’ meted out never ‘seems fair’, where long delays are normal, plagued by frequent postponements, where children are treated like furniture, devoid of feelings, where there is ‘no time’ for proper ‘justice’ owing to the huge backlog of cases and ‘no time’ to go through the pile of ‘documents’ with the resultant ‘decision’ pronouncing the ‘death penalty’ on the affected child and parent, “victimized” by a system that sometimes arises through the connivance of one parent and an ‘unscrupulous’ lawyer to win a battle. Is this how we interpret justice – without a strict adherence to ‘fair play’ and a mechanism in place to determine the manner and time of delivery.
Is the ‘Human’ costs – especially when it affects a young child and a defenseless parent – too trivial to be considered, that a wrong decision could ‘stamp’ and mark a child’s life forever and cause the endless pain and suffering of a parent deprived of a child’s love.
Is it not time for us Malaysians to sit up and CARE?
Can we not have a small part to show that we care?
There are provisions in Section 100 of the Law Reform (Marriage and Divorce) 1976 where a ‘fairer’ implementation of justice could be ‘dispensed’ to our fellow citizens.
Our Proposal: The presiding Judge consults with a Panel of Experts – comprising psychologists, psychiatrists, child counselors and social workers who will draw up an “agreement” between a divorcing couple to resolve and agree on Maintenance, upbringing, education, finance and the “JOINT RESPONSIBITY” of their children. This is mandatory (to prevent unnecessary delays). This will form the basis of the final Judgement except in cases of hostile parenting and alienation. Conditions:
1) The children must be counseled to the impending break-up of the family and if the judge deems fit, children will be placed in a neutral place until a temporary agreement can be drawn up. Panel will make recommendations.
2) The Court will ensure that an agreement is followed without undue hindrance, and if a parent who willfully infringes the ‘agreement’ will be punished. Likewise it should be available to make changes to suit the prevailing circumstances.
3) The Family Court should be people-friendly and family orientated. It should be manned only by experienced judges conversant with family law and a patient disposition.
August 11, 2008 at 5:22 am |
Why let a child suffer sins of adults?
Extracted fm NST, article by: Roger Tan
“I didn’t marry you because you were perfect.
I didn’t even marry you because I loved you.
I married you because you gave me a promise.
That promise made up for your faults.
And the promise I gave you made up for mine.
Two imperfect people got married and it was the promise that made the marriage.
And when our children were growing up, it wasn’t a house that protected them; and it wasn’t our
love that protected them – it was that promise.”
Thornton Niven Wilder
(1897-1975) American playwright novelist
August 19, 2008 at 6:43 am |
Hello everyone, I am an unfortunate victimised parent from Singapore going through parental alienation.
Some time ago, I wrote to my local papers in response to a gentleman’s letter in the forum, but they had decided to post my letter online instead –
http://www.straitstimes.com/ST%2BForum/Online%2BStory/STIStory_253294.html
Till now, just as I had expected, there is no official response of any kind to address my grave concern (because I don’t think they are capable of coming up with any answer or solution).
I applaud your effort and courage in putting up this superb and informative webpage in Malaysia to create awareness in parental alienation.
People definitely need to be educated about the harmful effects of this cruel mental and emotional abuse being done to millions of children all over the world by inhuman alienating parents and their allies.
October 9, 2008 at 6:10 pm |
-A Liability to the future of our Children
In response to the various cries for help, we cant help but identify with the many who are being denied access to their children today as well the many members of PEMALIK.
Theirs is a plaintive cry of parents who have been denied access to their children.
Time after time, case after case, the result is so predictable – the pronouncement by the Judge – “the children don’t like you and I cannot force them to see you” after the award of custody is made. Not only is one parent denied custody, they are also denied COMPLETE ACESS to the children.
These Courts for some reason refuses to look beyond the fact that some of these children has been brainwashed or where the parental alienation has been undertaken by the custodial parent so that the child prefers to have no contact whatsoever with the other parent. Some of the reasons are that these children fear for offending the custodial parent.
The whole court system from our Marriage Tribunal to Family Court – various Sections in the Law Reform Marriage Act and Divorce Act 1976 and Child Protection Act 2001 needs to be revamped to conform with changes in society today.
With increasing Divorce rates and a Family Court to handle numerous cases, imagine the trauma facing children brought to such courts for a hearing at the behest of an affidavit.
To make matters worse, divorce and custody battles can take years in court. With a single presiding Judge and with the numerous backlog of cases – with no help of “experts” on children can the Judge “judge” wisely ?
We want concerned parties to interview more embattled parents to have an ‘insight’ into the plight of these families and then take a holistic view to the issue of ‘Joint Responsibility’.
What we want is not merely to discuss the issue – it is to bring these “real” problems to the fore and to create awareness of what is happening in the courts and that SOMETHING can be done to alleviate the frustrations and misery of affected parents and children.
We want to create a platform for change i.e. do away with the antiquated laws that are no longer practical – resulting in prolonging the cases unduly with multi-affidavits, with PARENTAL ALIENATION taking place to WIN the battle for custody, thus denying one parent of complete access and the children becoming the ultimate victims of divorce.
Statistics reveal 80% of Juvenile Delinquents and Prisoners come from broken homes in Malaysia, a situation similar to rest of the developed world.
PEMALIK is result oriented – we lobby our MPs and LPPKN to propose “An Early Intervention Project” – where couples intending divorce are guided and advised on issues such as custody, maintenance, education, upbringing and finance by a panel of experts comprising psychiatrists, psychologist, child welfare counselors.
With the recommendations from such a panel, only then can a fair and rational decision then be made by the court.
This is the key to this project and it will be based on “Joint Responsibility” and NOT Custody. When adopted, it will save a lot of legal fees, time and preserve the Family Unit – children need both their father and mother.
Family issues not only affect the SINGLE mother, it affects the SINGLE father too and most importantly their children.
Today, the major reason that this ‘problem’ remained unresolved is the reluctance to CHANGE. The needs of our society remain a distant ‘dream. Until this is done, our children will continue to be the victims of such abuse.
One party “may” WIN and have the file closed, but the real battle of a CHILD of a single parent begins as he/she grows up in a household devoid of the missing parent.
This is based on actual complaints of fathers who have directly forwarded their grievances to us where they have been denied complete access to their children and the Family Court has demonstrated its complete impotence in handling these issues without the guidance from “experts” on children.
January 31, 2009 at 11:16 am |
‘DO NOT LOOK BACK AND ASK WHY,
LOOK FORWARD AND ASK WHY NOT’
A lesson to learn.. Interesting quote from the movie ‘Why did I get married?’
In most cases, especially in relationships, you will only get 80% of what you NEED and you will hardly get the other 20% that you WANT in your relationship.
There is always another person (man or women) that you will meet and that will offer you the other 20% which is lacking in your relationship that you WANT And believe me, 20% looks really good when you are not getting it at all in your current relationship. But the problem is that you will always be tempted to leave that good 80% that you know you have, thinking that you will get something better with the other 20% that you WANT. But as reality has proven, in most cases, you will always end up with having the 20% that you WANT and loosing the 80% that you really NEED and that you already had. Be careful in deciding between what you WANT and NEED in your life.
ADULTERY happens when you start looking for what you don’t have. ‘Wow, this girl in my office is a real looker. But it’s not her Wynona Rider features that got me. I’m crazy about her because she’s also understanding, intelligent, tender – so many things that my spouse is not’
Somewhere along the way, you’ll find a woman or a man who will be more charming or sensitive. More alluring. More thoughtful. Richer. Have greater . appeal. And you will find a woman or man who will need you and pursue you and go loco over you more than your spouse ever did.
Because no wife or husband is perfect. Because a spouse will only have 80% of what you’re looking for. So ADULTERY takes place when a husband OR wife looks for the missing 20%. Let’s say your wife is melancholic by nature.
You may find yourself drawn to the pretty clerk who has a cherry laugh no matter what she says: ‘I broke my arm yesterday, Hahahaha..’
Or because your wife is a homebody in slippers and pajamas, smelling of garlic and fish oil, you may fall for a fresh-smelling young sales representative that visits your office in a sharp black blazer, high heels, and a red pencil-cut skirt Or because your husband is the quiet type, your heart may skip a beat when you meet an old college flame who has the makings of a talk show host. But wait! That’s only 20% of what you don’t have.
Don’t throw away the 80% that you already have! That’s not all. Add to your spouse’s 80% the 100% that represents all the years that you have been with each other. The storms you have weathered together. The unforgettable moments of sadness and joy as a couple. The many adjustments you have made to love the other. The wealth of memories that you’ve accumulated as lovers.
ADULTERY happens when you start looking for what you don’t have.
But faithfulness happens when you start thanking God for what you already have. But I’m not just talking about marriage. I’m talking about LIFE!
About JOBS, FRIENDS, CHILDREN, LIFESTYLES.
Are you like the economy airline passenger that perennially peeks through the door of the first class cabin, obsessed with what he’s missing? ‘They have got more leg room! Oh my, their food is served in porcelain! Wow, their seats recline at an 80% angle and they’ve got personal videos!’
I guarantee you’ll be miserable for the entire trip! Don’t live your life like that. Forget about what the world says is first class. Do you know that there are many first class passengers who are miserable in first class – because they are not riding in a private LEAR JET? The main message???
If you start appreciating what you have right now, wherever you are, you in FIRST CLASS!
Stop COMPARING and start APPRECIATING, even the slightest thing such as waking up in the morning and THANK GOD for what you already have.
REMEMBER: ‘When someone shares something of value with you and you benefit from it, you have a moral obligation to share it with others.’. Your 2 hands that are used for praying are better used to help those in need.
February 24, 2009 at 10:29 am |
A frail old man went to live with his son, daughter-in-law, and four-year-old grandson. The old man’s hands trembled, his eyesight was blurred, and his step faltered. The family ate together at the table. But the elderly grandfather’s shaky hands and failing sight made eating difficult. Peas rolled off his spoon onto the floor. When he grasped the glass, milk spilled on the tablecloth. The son and daughter-in-law became irritated with the mess.
‘We must do something about father,’ said the son. ‘I’ve had enough of his spilled milk, noisy eating, and food on the floor.’ So the husband and wife set a small table in the corner. There, Grandfather ate alone while the rest of the family enjoyed dinner. Since Grandfather had broken a dish or two, his food was served in a wooden bowl. When the family glanced in Grandfather’s direction, sometimes he had a tear in his eye as he sat alone. Still, the only words the couple had for him were sharp admonitions when he dropped a fork or spilled food.
The four-year-old watched it all in silence. One evening before supper, the father noticed his son playing with wood scraps on the floor. He asked the child sweetly, ‘What are you making?’ Just as sweetly, his son responded, ‘Oh, I am making a little bowl for you and Mama to eat your food in when I grow up. ‘The four-year-old smiled and went back to work.
The words so struck the parents so that they were speechless. Then tears started to stream down their cheeks. Though no word was spoken, both knew what must be done.
That evening the husband took Grandfather’s hand and gently led him back to the family table. For the remainder of his days he ate every meal with the family. And for some reason, neither husband nor wife seemed to care any longer when a fork was dropped, milk spilled, or the tablecloth soiled.
On a positive note, I’ve learned that, no matter what happens, how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow.
You can tell a lot about a person by the he or she handles the elderly, family, friends and work, studies or any other activity.
I’ve learned that, regardless of your relationship with your parents,you’ll miss them when they’re gone from your life.
I’ve learned that making a ‘living’ is not the same thing as making a ‘life..’
I’ve learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance.
I’ve learned that you shouldn’t go through life with a catcher’s mitt on both hands.You need to be able to throwsomethingbacksometimes.
I’ve learned that if you pursue happiness, it will elude you
But, if you focus on your family, your friends, the needs of others,
your work and doing the very best you can, happiness will find you
I’ve learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision.
I’ve learned that even when I have pains, I don’t have to be one.
I’ve learned that every day, you should reach out and touch someone.
I’ve learned that I still have a lot to learn.
People love that human touch – holding hands, a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back.
FRIENDSHIP CANDLE: I pray for your happiness. The Candle Of Love, Hope & Friendship
March 30, 2009 at 12:50 pm |
REAL FATHERS FOR JUSTICE
Is a civil rights movement campaigning for equality in family law, and for a child’s rights to enjoy the love and care of BOTH PARENTS following Separation or divorce.
Britain’s gender-biased secret family courts regime leads to the exclusion of tens of thousands of parents (mainly fathers) and grandparents every year from the lives of the children they Love, with catastrophic consequences for our Society as a whole.
Campaign Objectives:
• Compulsory mediation and early dispute resolution.
• An open and accountable family court system with up to date records kept of judgments and outcomes.
• The current family court process MUST be
faster with a final hearing being heard within a matter of weeks by the same judge throughout the case, not months or years as in some cases.
• Enforcement of court sanctioned contact orders.
• Recognition of parental alienation (P.A.) by the court system.
• Grandparents have the automatic right to apply for contact.
• Natural parents approach the process from an equal standing and have a legal presumption of contact.
THE EVIDENCE:
•100 Children a day lose contact or partial contact with one parent that’s over 365,000 since Labour came to power. (Based on DCA figures 2001)
•40% of children have no contact with their father after 2 years of separation (Dame Butler-Sloss)
•40% of mothers admit to thwarting contact to punish a former partner (DSS survey 1998)
•In 2002 61,000 contact orders were made (DCA), in 2003 the Times newspaper estimated that 50% of such orders were flouted with impunity.
•Nearly 1 in 4 grandparents has experienced family breakdown in at least one of their sets of grandchildren (The economic and research council)
•The UK placed last among 21 industrialised nations for the well being of its children. (2007 Unicef report)
▪”Lady Justice Arden, sitting with Lord Justice Thorpe and Lord Justice Lawrence Collins, said this was not a violation of the father’s rights to family life under the Human Rights Act because he had no rights to be violated.” (24.11.07)
NEWS BLOG: news.realfathersforjustice.org
CONTACTS: info@realfathersforjustice.org
May 6, 2009 at 10:55 am |
I have learned that -
1. the best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person.
2. when you’re in love, it shows.
3. just one person saying to me, ‘You’ve made my day!’ makes my day.
4. having a child fall asleep in your arms is one of the most peaceful feelings in the world.
5. being kind is more important than being right.
6. you should never say no to a gift from a child.
7. I can always pray for someone when I don’t have the strength to help him in some other way.
8. no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with.
9. sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to understand.
10. simple walks with my father around the block on summer nights when I was a child did wonders for me as an adult.
11. life is like a roll of toilet paper.. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.
12. we shud be glad God doesn’t give us everything we ask for
13. money doesn’t buy class.
14. it’s those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular.
15. under everyone’s hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.
16. to ignore the facts does not change the facts.
17. when you plan to get even with someone, you are only letting that person continue to hurt you.
18. love, not time, heals all wounds.
19. the easiest way for me to grow as a person is to surround myself with people smarter than I am.
20. everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile.
21. no one is perfect until you fall in love with them.
22. life is tough, but I’m tougher.
23. opportunities are never lost; someone will take the ones you miss.
24. when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.
25. I wish I could have told my Dad that I love him one more time before he passed away.
26. one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he may have to eat them.
27. a smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.
28. when your newly born grandchild holds your little finger in his little fist, that you’re hooked for life.
29. everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you’re in the valley or climbing it.
30. the less time I have to work with, the more things I get done.
- Andy Rooney, has the gift of saying so much with so few words.
June 22, 2009 at 9:33 pm |
Last week, I got a sudden wake-up call at 2am, it was a Friday. The caller at the gate said they were the police and wanted to talk.
Looking out from the top floor window I also saw few men moving along side and behind my house. It was at such awkward time these 5 to 7 men were wanting to break-into my house. I frantically called the nearby police station, my family and friends for help.
Why would these people looking like thugs want at such an odd hour? Somehow, I felt they were my estranged wife’s people. Why pick such a time to disturb the serenity of my peaceful neighbourhood?
Shortly, uniformed policemen from the nearby station arrived. This prompted me to open my front door.
These men in as I found out then were plain-clothed detectives. They claimed to be from a another Police Station. Without hesitation they jumped over my front gate with a padlock cutter..
Not wanting them to break open my expensive padlock, I unlocked my gate. Strangely, enough these detectives seemed very motivated to arrest me.
They did not want to hear me or allow me any chance for explanation. Their words were “don’t waste our time”. they said I am being arrested for “Threatening to Kill My Wife”.
I am perplexed as to why they seem very keen to arrest me based on a report lodged by my estranged wife. It is “a serious allegation” (I did not do). How could the detectives be sent to arrest me without any preliminary checking. I was being treated unjustly here. Am I a fugitive amongst the manu criminals out there.
To cut the story short, these detectives handcuffed me and took me to a Police Station at 2.30am. Subsequently I got transferred to another Police Station.
These lockups were totally unpleasant. Here, criminals were poking fun at me for being for an idiot to get arrested over a false allegation.
Consider this, here is a loving father (had court order to see children) was denied access by estranged wife. Despite that she lodges several police reports and defies the court order.
Me being in such a dire predicament without access to my children went to Father-in-Law’s house hoping to get a glimpse of my daughters. Hell broke loose when my EX lodges a Police Report and got swift action on it.
Dragged in chain back and forth police stations and magistrate court. The Police sought a Remand Order – so I would be kept in Jail for 4 days – it was a Friday.
By the way, my Mention Date for Contempt (ie. estranged wife was not adhering Court order) was fixed for the same day, i.e the day I got arrested.
I was to be in Family Court that morning but instead was put in Jail as a criminal in the same court building instead.
With involvement from my parents and PEMALIK I got released with a word of “SORRY”. This had been my most gruesome 12 hour ordeal any person would dread.
I now know what such BAD APPLES can do and would abuse authority to justify alienating me from my children.
I have learnt that it will be justified for these BAD APPLES to lie and defy court orders. At the same time, it also possible to get arrested, when a BAD APPLE lodges a Police Report. Today, I am convinced our system seems to favour frauds without question. Will they ever be punished?
As a loving father, I have no choice but to argue in Family Court. While my children are being torn away by my aggresive estranged wife. My children are undergoing mental and emotional trauma of their life. They are too distraught to contact their me.
This is my 7th Anniversary as a Father.
Happy Father’s Day!
August 25, 2009 at 6:06 pm |
We should not confuse/compare our situation with others (not to ask “Why only me” and get depressed). Every one of us is unique. Mother Divine / Nature responds differently with unique love to each one of us.
Each one of us hails from different background, have different expectations, input of different levels of self-effort and thus different results.
The shortfalls are for us to improve (let it be in profession, career, family, wealth, status). We need to acknowledge and just proceed to next action (if we can improve or just leave it if it is beyond our efforts and if we have done our level best)
Live life full ….We are borne out of joy and happiness …… We are borne to be happy… it is only our own concepts and own views / inference on the events that make us unhappy….. ………..Nothing can take away the happiness from us..!!!
August 28, 2009 at 2:02 pm |
A Priest dies n is awaiting for his turn in line at Heaven’s Gates. Ahead of him is a guy, fashionably dressed, in dark sun glasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket n jeans
God asks him: Tell me who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?
The guy replies: I am Ajit Singh, an Auto driver from Chennai! God consults his Ledger, smiles n says to Ajit Singh: Take this Silk Robe n Gold Scarf n enter Kingdom of Heaven.
Now, the priest’s turn. He stands sturdily n speaks out in a loud n booming voice: I am the Pope’s Assistant Christoper de Paul, Head Priest of St.Paul Church for the last 40 years.
God consults his Ledger n says to the Priest: Take this Cotton Robe n enter Kingdom of Heaven.
‘Just a minute,’ says the agonized Priest. ‘How is it that a foul mouthed, rash driving Auto Driver is given a Silk Robe n Golden Scarf but me, a Priest, who’s spent his whole life preaching your name
n goodness, has to make do with a Cotton Robe?’
‘It’s the Results my fren, the results that count,’ shrugs God. ‘While you preached, people SLEPT; but when Ajit Singh drove his Auto, people really PRAYED’. It’s ultimately the results that counts.
September 1, 2009 at 12:02 pm |
A Story to live by
There was a blind girl who hated herself because she was blind. She hated everyone, except her loving boyfriend. He was always there for her. She told her boyfriend, ‘If I could only see the world, I will marry you.’
One day, someone donated a pair of eyes to her. When the bandages came off, she was able to see everything, including her boyfriend.
He asked her, ‘Now that you can see the world, will you marry me?’ The girl looked at her boyfriend and saw that he was blind. The sight of his closed eyelids shocked her. She hadn’t expected that. The thought of looking at them the rest of her life led her to refuse to marry him.
Her boyfriend left in tears and days later wrote a note to her saying: ‘Take good care of your eyes, my dear, for before they were yours, they were mine.’
This is how the human brain often works when our status changes. Only a very few remember what life was like before, n who was always by their side in the most painful situations.
Today, before you say an unkind word – Think of someone who can’t speak.
Before, you complain about the taste of your food – Think of someone who has nothing to eat.
Before, you complain about your husband or wife – Think of someone who’s crying out to GOD for a companion.
Today, before u complain about life – Think of someone who died too early on this earth.
Before, u complain about your children – Think of someone who desires children but they’re barren…
Before, u argue about your dirty house someone didn’t clean or sweep – Think of the people who are living in the streets.
Before, whining about the distance you drive Think of someone who walks the same distance with their feet.
When you are tired and complain about your job – Think of the unemployed, the disabled, and those who wish they had your job.
Before you point the finger or condemn another – Remember that none of us is without sin.
And when depressing thoughts seem to get u down – Put on a smile and think: you’re alive n still around.
January 4, 2010 at 4:52 pm |
Life is like having a cup of tea. You sit by the side of the window, lift the cup and take a careless sip, Only to realize, somebody forgot to put the sugar. Too lazy to go for it you somehow struggle through the sugarless cup. Until you discover un-dissolved sugar crystal sitting at the bottom.. That’s Life
Like birds, leave behind what you won’t need: Grudges, Sadness, Pain, Fear & Regrets – Enjoy Life it’s Beautiful
Success is not the key to happiness but happiness is the key to success. Love what you are doing, be happy and successful.