SAN FRANCISCO, Sept 24 ‘08— Actress Sharon Stone has lost another round of custody proceedings over her oldest son. A San Francisco judge denied her request for primary custody of 8-year-old Roan, who’s been living with his father, newspaper executive Phil Bronstein. The couple divorced in 2004 after six years of marriage.
The judge ruled on Sept 12 that Bronstein’s home is more stable and structured, reaffirming a court order last year that the executive vice president of the San Francisco Chronicle has permanent sole custody of Roan.
Stone retains visitation rights.
The judge also said the parents must consult with each other before enrolling their child in any tutoring activities, and that Stone’s telephone number should be programmed into Roan’s cell and home telephones. Stone has two other sons, Laird and Quinn, whom she adopted on her own.
This is for parent education & counseling classes and for divorced(ing) parents. ARE YOU A PARENTAL ALIENATOR ? Please answer unconditionally. YES / NO
1. Have I ever criticized or spoken negatively about the other parent or his/her family
or friends in front of my child or where the child can hear me?
2. Have I ever forced my child to choose between loving the other parent and me?
3. Do I talk about child support, money, or legal issues in front of my child?
4. Do I ever limit time with the other parent because I feel I am the best parent?
5. Do I ask the child to keep secrets, lie or hide things from the other parent?
6. Do I pump my child to get detailed information of where they go and what they do
when they are with the other parent?
7. Do I ever prevent the child from speaking with the other parent by blocking phone
messages, not returning phone calls, erasing email messages, not giving them mail or
gifts?
8. Do I interrupt the child’s time with the other parent by calling too much or planning
activities during their time together?
9. Do I deny my child the right to spend the designated time with the other parent?
10. Have I ever sabotaged any activity that my child is doing with the other parent?
11. Do I encourage my child to blame the other parent or to choose sides?
12. Do I use my child as a therapist or my special friend to share my deep and upsetting
emotions?
13. Do I let my child know that I feel badly when he/she has a good time with the other
parent?
14. Do I ask my child to spy for me while with the other parent?
15. Do I ever instill guilt, pressure, or rejection of the other parent in my child?
16. Do I make a contest of how much love, care, and attention the child gives to the
other parent and his or her family and friends versus how much attention I receive?
17. Have you ever made false accusations, such as implying drug abuse or inappropriate
sexual behavior to the police or Department of Child and Family Services?
18. Do I stop my child from expressing his/her feelings whether I agree with them or
not? (e.g., love, happiness, excitement, anger, fear, sadness)
If you answered “YES” to any of these questions, you need to evaluate to what extent you are engaging in parental alienation. Children need to be free to love both parents. If you don’t like the other parent or feel that they are inappropriate for your child, you need to solve the problem without resorting to destroying that child’s relationship with this parent. Your child can make up his or her own mind about how much they love or even like the other parent without being unduly influenced by you. Obsessed parent alienators will stop at nothing to damage or even severe a child’s relationship with a parent. This is a serious form of child abuse where a child is not allowed to have loving feelings for his parent, or his or her extended family and friends. These people represent half of the child’s heritage. Most parents “slip up” once in a while, however, parents who really care about their child’s best interest will do all they can to keep their child out of the middle and allow them to love both parents.
Parental Alienation occurs any time that a parent, relative or friend speaks badly about another parent so that a child can hear what is being said. Alienating behavior may be mild, moderate or severe. All parents are likely to “lose it” and be inappropriate with their words around children, however, when there is a predominance of negative messages being communicated to a child, these messages can seriously erode the child’s psychological well-being. In severe cases of parental alienation, children are manipulated and brainwashed (programmed) into such states of confusion that their perception of events and people around them are severely distorted.
Parental alienation in its most severe form is a heinous form of child abuse and neglect. It is a dangerous manipulation of children’s minds to alter their perception of reality about another parent. The purpose of marginalizing this parent is that he or she has no means to be an effective parent or to cut that parent out of a child’s life entirely, called a parentectomy.
The Tragic Result
Severe cases of parental alienation have the characteristics of being complicated in two ways. Combative parents duel with conflicting stories of “he said / she said,” and make it very difficult to determine who is telling the truth. Brainwashed children often support the side of the offending parent with dramatic stories of how they have been abused by the target parent. As target parents argue their position, they often seem defensive even when they are telling the truth. Programmed children lose their own sense of reason and their ability to express their own choice in the matter. If the alienator is not contained, these manipulations of the child’s mind become the incubator of their own future psychological problems. These children have an altered perception of reality that is not in their best interest or in the best interest of society.
Unfortunately, in many cases, fully capable parents and their extended family and friends who love the child and would provide a nurturing and healthy family life are eliminated. Once the cutting out of a parent has occurred the child is left under the full care of the most disturbed and dysfunctional parent. These tragedies are played out in our family law courts daily.
Target parents find that normal methods of handling parental conflict such as mediation and therapy do not work. They are forced to appeal to a judge to make a decision that will enable them to continue to see their children. This is often an expensive and perilous path that rarely results in a satisfying outcome as few people, including judges, attorneys and therapists understand the nature of the problem.
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not
even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
An Atheist Professor of Philosophy was speaking to his Class on The Problem Science
Has With GOD, the ALMIGHTY. He asked one of his New Christian Students to stand
Prof : You are a Christian, aren’t you,?
Student: Yes, sir.
Prof : So, you Believe in GOD ?
Student: Absolutely, sir.
Prof : Is GOD Good ?
Student: Sure
Prof : Is GOD ALL – POWERFUL ?
Student: Yes
Prof : My Brother died of Cancer even though he Prayed to GOD to Heal him. Most of us would attempt to help others who are ill. But GOD didn’t. How is this GOD good then? Hmm? (Student was silent )
Prof : You can’t answer, can you ? Let’s start again, Young Fella. Is GOD Good?
Student: Yes
Prof : Is Satan good ?
Student: No
Prof : Where does Satan come from ?
Student: From . . . GOD . . .
Prof : That’s right. Tell me son, is there evil in this World?
Student: Yes
Prof : Evil is everywhere, isn’t it ? And GOD did make Everything. Correct?
Student: Yes
Prof : So who created evil? (Student did not answer)
Prof : Is there Sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things exist in the World, don’t they?
Student: Yes, sir.
Prof : So, who Created them? (Student had no answer)
Prof : Science says you have 5 Senses you use to Identify And Observe the World around you. Tell me, son.. Have you ever Seen GOD?
Student: No, sir
Prof : Tell us if you have ever Heard your GOD?
Student: No , sir.
Prof : Have you ever Felt your GOD, Tasted your GOD, Smelt Your GOD? Have you ever had any Sensory Perception of GOD for that matter?
Student: No, sir. I’m afraid I haven’t.
Prof : Yet you still Believe in HIM?
Student: Yes
Prof : According to Empirical, Testable, Demonstrable Protocol, Science says your GOD doesn’t exist. What do You say to that, son?
Student: Nothing. I only have my Faith
Prof : Yes,Faith. And that is the Problem Science has
Student: Professor, is there such a thing as Heat?
Prof : Yes
Student: And is there such a thing as Cold?
Prof : Yes
Student: No, sir. There isn’t. (The Lecture Theatre became very quiet)
Student: Sir, you can have Lots of Heat, even More Heat,Superheat, Mega Heat, White Heat, a Little Heat or No Heat. But we don’t have anything called Cold. We can hit 458 Degrees Below Zero which is No Heat, but we can’t go any further after that. There is no such thing as Cold. Cold is only a Word we use to Describe the Absence of Heat. We cannot Measure Cold. Heat is Energy. Cold is Not the Opposite of Heat, sir, just the Absence of it. (There was Pin-Drop Silence in LectureTheatre)
Student: What about Darkness, Professor? Is there such a Thing as Darkness?
Prof : Yes. What is Night if there isn’t Darkness?
Student: You’re wrong again, sir. Darkness is the Absence of Something. You can have Low Light, Normal Light, Bright Light, Flashing Light.. But if you have No Light constantly, you have nothing and its called Darkness, isn’t it?In reality, if it is, were you would be able to make Darkness Darker, wouldn’t you?
Prof : So what is the point you are making?
Student: Sir, my point is your Philosophical Premise is flawed.
Prof : Flawed ? Can you explain how?
Student: Sir, you are working on the Premise of Duality.You argue there is Life and then there is Death, a Good GOD And a Bad GOD. You are viewing the Concept of GOD as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, Science can’t even
explain a Thought. It uses Electricity and Magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one. To view Death as the Opposite of Life is to be ignorant of the fact that Death cannot exist as a Substantive Thing. Death is Not the Opposite of Life: just the absence of it. Now tell me, Professor, do you teach your Students that they evolved from a Monkey?
Prof : If you are referring to the Natural Evolutionary Process, Yes, of course, I do
Student: Have you ever observed Evolution with your own eyes, sir? (The Professor shook his head with a Smile, beginning to realize where the Argument was going)
Student: Since no one has ever observed the Process of Evolution At work and Cannot even prove that this Process is an On-Going Endeavor. Are you not teaching your Opinion, sir? Are you not a Scientist but a Preacher? (The Class was in Uproar)
Student: Is there anyone in the Class who has ever seen the Professor’s Brain? (The Class broke out into Laughter )
Student: Is there anyone here who has ever heard the Professor’s Brain, Felt it, touched or Smelt it?.. No one appears to have done so. So, according to the Established Rules of Empirical, Stable, Demonstrable Protocol, Science says that You have No Brain, sir. With all due respect, sir, how do we then Trust your Lectures, sir?
(The Room was Silent. The Professor stared at the Student, his Face unfathomable)
Prof : I guess you’ll have to take them on Faith, son.
Student: That is it sir.. Exactly! The Link between Man and GOD is FAITH. That is all that Keeps Things Alive and Moving.
NB: I believe you have enjoyed the Conversation.. You’ll probably want your Friends / Colleagues to enjoy the same and Increase their Knowledge or FAITH. That student was…. Albert Einstein
An extract dtd 1st July 2008 from The Straits Times, Singapore – Online
Parent Alienation: Spare a thought for fathers
I APPLAUD Mr Alexander Wittberger for creating awareness of Parent Alienation and the likely result of afflicted children growing up with heavy emotional baggage and problems, ‘Beware parent alienation’ (May 9). Since care and control of children in a divorce are usually given to mothers, it is usually fathers who are targets of parent alienation. I am myself such a target.
We see letters complaining of errant fathers failing to provide maintenance. Here is a father who has been giving maintenance to his ex-wife every month without fail, only to find out that the system doesn’t give as much assistance to us fathers trying to get access to their children to spend quality time on our own as parent and child.
I now have only supervised access to my nine-year-old son, meaning that my wife is present when I have access to my son.
Although I try my best to make this a normal family outing for our child, she does her best to sour the mood. Her presence stifles the child’s spontaneity towards me. He has no choice but to follow her script of alienation towards me because he is living with her the rest of the time. When things don’t go according to her liking, she leaves. Naturally, the child follows.
What I have discovered is that divorced fathers who care to want to bond with their children are left to struggle against such difficulties on their own by our system. There is maintenance court but there is no access court. To negotiate access, to work out the terms and to bring to the courts complaints of being regularly short-changed all have to be done with costly legal help or on the father’s own, without knowledge of legalities.
The focus seems always on the contributions and sacrifices of mothers and wives and the problems they face. When are we going to have the sense of balance to laud the contributions of and give equal assistance to both parents? Cheng Wee
As mentioned by: Dr. William Henry ‘Bill’ Cosby, Jr., Ed.D
‘They’re standing on the corner and they can’t speak English. I can’t even talk the way these people talk:
Why you ain’t, Where you is, What he drive, Where he stay,
Where he work, Who you be..
And I blamed the kid until I heard the mother talk. And then I heard the father talk.
Everybody knows it’s important to speak English except these knuckleheads. You can’t be a doctor with that kind of crap coming out of your mouth. In fact you will never get any kind of job making a decent living. People marched and were hit in the face with rocks to get an Education, and now we’ve got these knuckleheads walking around.
The lower economic people are not holding up their end in this deal. These people are not parenting. They are buying things for kids. $500 sneakers for what? And they won’t spend $200 for Hooked on Phonics. I am talking about these people who cry when their son is standing there in an orange suit.
Where were you when he was 2? Where were you when he was 12? Where were you when he was 18 and how come you didn’t know that he had a pistol? And where is the father? Or who is his father?
People putting their clothes on backward:
Isn’t that a sign of something gone wrong?
People with their hats on backward, pants down around the crack, isn’t that a sign of something?
Isn’t it a sign of something when she has her dress all the way up and got all type of needles [piercing] going through her body?
What part of Africa did this come from?? We are not Africans. Those people are not Africans; they don’t know a thing about Africa… I say this all of the time. It would be like white people saying they are European-American. That is totally stupid. I was born here, and so were my parents and grand parents and, very likely my great grandparents. I don’t have any connection to Africa, no more than white Americans have to Germany, Scotland, England, Ireland, or the Netherlands. The same applies to 99 percent of all the black Americans as regards to Africa. So stop, already! ! ! With names like Shaniqua, Taliqua and Mohammed and all of that crap…and all of them are in jail.
Brown or black versus the Board of Education is no longer the white person’s problem. We have got to take the neighborhood back.
People used to be ashamed. Today a woman has eight children with eight different ‘husbands’ — or men or whatever you call them now.
We have millionaire football players who cannot read.
We have million-dollar basketball players who can’t write two paragraphs. We, as black folks have to do a better job.
Someone working at Wal-Mart with seven kids, you are hurting us. We have to start holding each other to a higher standard. We cannot blame the white people any longer.’
Australian Dads in Dark About Recent Family Law changes, Says Fathers4Equality
Ash Patil, President of Equal Parenting group Fathers4Equality, comments on the recent family law changes in Australia. these children are the silent victims of a family law institution purposely designed to deny a child a meaningful relationship with one of their parents, simply because the parents had divorced.
These family law orphans are the legacy of a fundamentally flawed system that has treated children as the ultimate prize, to be won by one parent and lost by the other.
For more than three decades, the best interests of the child was a maxim in words only, masquerading an industry obsessed with promoting adversarial conflict, entrenching gender stereotypes, and insisting on a winner-takes-all philosophy designed to raise the stakes and generate massive legal fees in the process.
Most significant changes to family law in the last thirty years. With some fathers having already applied for and been granted 5 or 6 days residence out of every 14, we have some hope that things are improving.
We continue to have serious concerns about the entrenched anti-male bias through-out every level of the family law industry, the escalation of false domestic violence allegations as a tactic of depriving access to children, and a lack of consistency on the application of the legislation throughout the registries. It is still significantly better than what we had before dismayed at the level of ignorance displayed by many fathers (and their solicitors) at the changes.
We get emails every single day from desperate and sometimes suicidal fathers in the midst of separation, who are close to breakdown because they fear that they will never see their kids again
The threat of denying access to children, often made by mothers during separation, may have been a truism in the past, but is less likely to be endorsed by the courts today. We simply need more fathers to be aware of this, he says emphatically!
Considering the grim suicide statistics awaiting fathers after divorce, where more men suicide every year than this country’s total road death toll, the importance of educating those most vulnerable about these changes cannot be understated. This is as much about changing the expectations of a whole community as it is about informing father’s of the recent changes. Let’s hope that the Family Law courts live up to the intent of the legislation then maybe next year, many more children would have spent fathers’ day with their dad, than was the case this year.
(PRWEB) September 7, 2007 — Now that fathers’ day has come and gone for another September in Australia, spare a thought for the tens of thousands of Australian children who did not see their father this past Sunday.
Ash Patil, President of equal parenting group Fathers4Equality, says that, “these children are the silent victims of a family law institution purposely designed to deny a child a meaningful relationship with one of their parents, simply because the parents had divorced.”
He says that, “these family law orphans are the legacy of a fundamentally flawed system that has treated children as the ultimate prize, to be won by one parent and lost by the other.” (According to the Family Court of Australia, 97.5% of all family law proceedings result in the children losing one of their parents).
James Adams, media spokesperson for Fathers4Equality adds that, “for more than three decades, the best interests of the child was a maxim in words only, masquerading an industry obsessed with promoting adversarial conflict, entrenching gender stereotypes, and insisting on a winner-takes-all philosophy designed to raise the stakes and generate massive legal fees in the process.”
But some people in federal parliament would have you think that things have been changing for the better, especially since the introduction July last year of various family law amendments, claimed by the federal Attorney-General to be the “most significant changes to family law in the last thirty years.”
Patil states that despite it still being too early to pass judgment on the application of the legislation by the courts, the intent of the Family Law Amendment (Shared Parental Responsibility) Act 2006 has been quite clear:
(i) That there is a rebuttable presumption of equal joint parental responsibility.
(ii) That if this presumption is not rebutted (through credible concerns for the child’s safety, for instance), then the Court must consider an equal parenting time arrangement, or whatever shared parenting time arrangement is requested.
(iii) If such an arrangement is not awarded, the Court must clearly explain why.
Patil adds that the legislation is designed to promote significant and substantial shared parenting time (with both parents) for children of divorce, while at the same time bolstering safeguards against legitimate and credible risks to the child’s safety, and allowing the Court ample discretion against impractical arrangements that simply would not work. Patil says that “with some fathers having already applied for and been granted 5 or 6 days residence out of every 14, we have some hope that things are improving.”
Patil emphasises however that Fathers4Equality “continue to have serious concerns about the entrenched anti-male bias through-out every level of the family law industry, the escalation of false domestic violence allegations as a tactic of depriving access to children, and a lack of consistency on the application of the legislation throughout the registries.”
Patil notes that although the legislation is far from what is required, “it is still significantly better than what we had before”, and yet despite this assessment, James Adams says he is still “dismayed at the level of ignorance displayed by many fathers (and their solicitors) at the changes.”
Adams says that, “We get emails every single day from desperate and sometimes suicidal fathers in the midst of separation, who are close to breakdown because they fear that they will never see their kids again”. Adams makes the point that “the threat of denying access to children, often made by mothers during separation, may have been a truism in the past, but is less likely to be endorsed by the courts today. We simply need more fathers to be aware of this, he says emphatically!”
Adams says that “considering the grim suicide statistics awaiting fathers after divorce, where more men suicide every year than this country’s total road death toll, the importance of educating those most vulnerable about these changes cannot be understated.”
Although Patil is extremely grateful at the commitment the Prime Minister has shown in changing these flawed family laws, Fathers4Equality is requesting that the government do more to promote the message of change.
Ash says that, “this is as much about changing the expectations of a whole community as it is about informing father’s of the recent changes.”
According to Fathers4Equality, the jury is still out on whether the courts, who have been historically resistant to any form of shared parenting initiatives, will interpret these laws as they were intended over time, but the whole family law reform package put out by the Australian government has underscored a decisiveness for change, that at face value, seems quite genuine, at least for now.
“Let’s hope that the Family Law courts live up to the intent of the legislation,” Patil says in a positive tone. “Then maybe next year, many more children would have spent fathers’ day with their dad, than was the case this year.”
If you want to comment on your experience with the new family law reforms, or read about the experiences of others, visit the Fathers4Equality – Fathers Matter – blog at:
1.0 – Sources of Shari’a
2.0 – The Emergence of Islamic Schools of Thought
3.0 – Geographical Dispersion of the Juristic Schools
3.1 – Sunni Schools
3.2 – Shia Schools
4.0 – The Influence of Shari’a on Modern Laws
5.0 – Marriage
5.1 – The Marriage Contract
5.2 – Preconditions of and Prohibitions on Marriage
5.3 – Formation of the Marriage Contract
5.4 – Spouses’ Rights and Obligations to Each Other
5.5 – Conversion to Islam During Marriage
6.0 – Divorce
6.1 – Talaq
6.2 – Khula
6.3 – Tafriq
7.0 – Recognition of Divorces Obtained in Secular or Foreign Courts
8.0 – Child Custody Following Divorce
8.1 – Requirements of a Mother Custodian
8.2 – A Mother’s Right to Physical Custody
9.0 – Gender Relations and Restrictions on Women
10.0 – Children and the Parent-Child Relationship
10.1 – Circumcision of Children
10.2 – Extended Family
11.0 – Custody Abduction to the Islamic Countries
Footnotes
This report was contributed by Sisters In Islam, Malaysia, from their Regional Workshop on Conference on Islamic Family Law and Justice for Muslim Women held in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia in June 2001. Discussants from a variety of countries consider marriage, polygamy, divorce, financial provisions and custody under the laws of each of their nations.
- Workshop Overview
- Marriage
- Polygamy
- Divorce
- Financial Provision
- Custody / Guardianship / Child Maintenance
- Special Case: Procedure and Case Management, Singapore
- Strategies for Reform Amina Wadud
- Reform and Reinterpretation of Texts, Ziba Mir-Hosseini
- Gender Rights
In the United States, 49% of marriages end in divorce.
Although 82% of all married couples will reach their fifth wedding anniversary, only 52% will celebrate 15 years of marriage.
The median duration of first marriages that end in divorce is slightly less than eight years.
Most people will wait about three years after a divorce to remarry.
Most divorce proceedings will take approximately one year to complete.
World Divorce Statistics
In case you were wondering, divorce rates do vary substantially in different countries. Check out these world divorce statistics:
In Sweden, 64% of marriages end in divorce
In Canada, 45% of marriages end in divorce
In France, 43% of marriages end in divorce
In Israel, 26% of marriages end in divorce
In Greece, 18% of marriages end in divorce
In Italy, 12% of marriages end in divorce
The Economic Impact of Divorce
If you review current divorce statistics, some of the most shocking facts relate to the economic impact of divorce. While it’s not uncommon for a father’s standard of living to rise after a divorce, the end of marriage often leaves women and children in poverty. Consider the following divorce statistics:
Divorced women with children are four times more likely than married women to have an income that is under the poverty line.
A single mom is nine times more likely than a married woman to have an income that is less than half the official poverty line.
Although 10% of families in the U.S. are headed by a woman, 40% of poor families have a female head of household.
Of course, divorce also results in a higher cost to society as a whole. According to one study, a single divorce can cost state and federal governments more than $30,000 in court fees, increased bankruptcies, food stamps, and public housing benefits.
Children and Divorce
The effects of divorce on children have been widely studied. Consider the following divorce statistics:
The number of children living with both parents decreased from 85% to 68% between 1970 and 1996.
About half of all children will witness the breakup of a parent’s marriage. Of these kids, nearly half will also witness a parent’s second divorce.
Children who are raised in single-parent homes are less likely to marry and more likely to divorce.
Teen girls from single parent homes are twice as likely to drop out of high school or give birth to an out-of-wedlock child.
Preventing Divorce
According to Barbara Whitehead and David Popenoe’s The State of Our Unions, the following factors help reduce a person’s risk of getting divorced:
If you have an annual income of over $50,000, your risk of divorce decreases by 30%.
If you wait to marry until you’re over 25 years of age, your risk of divorce decreases by 24%.
If your parents are happily married, your risk of divorce decreases by 14%.
If you have strong religious beliefs, your risk of divorce decreases by 14%.
If you’ve attended college, your risk of divorce decreases by 13%.
The best way to avoid a divorce is to never marry. I’ve been living with my “wife” and could care less how this sick society defines us. We have two great kids and make it work. The whole process is clearly a giant money grab by the courts and the slimy lawyers and legislators that create the web of unconstitutional “laws” for the good of us all that are really designed to do one thing and that is preserve the profits of those involved in administering those laws. No thanks, I am not signing a contract with the state of Ny. And as far as the “benefits” of marriage like insurance that exists on behalf of my work and is illegally being witheld by insurance companies that are nothing more than racketeering organizations that make the mob look like a bunch of school kids === they can kiss my you know what. I have more to say but this is too much already. Marriage 50-50 odds= might as well toss a coin those are your chances.
Contributed by: ted
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Leon,
You make some very good points. Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts.
Jodee Redmond LoveToKnow Editor
Contributed by: JCRedmond
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I’ve done a bit of marriage counseling and discipleship, and without question, the biggest issue to deal with is SELFISHNESS!
When it comes to divorce…stop! Stop being selfish, stop being emotional. Truly, there are some people out there who are s – and I do not mean to imply that a person should endure physical harm to themselves or children. BUT, if you feel like throwing it away because it “just isn’t there anymore”, you are not only pulling another thread out of the fabric of America’s already tattered family unit, but you are exposing your children’s future to great risk.
You may not fully appreciate the consequences of your actions to those in your family as my experience is that a person contemplating divorce is quite self-involved at the time – to say the least.
YOUR marriage really can be saved; there is a LOT of power in seeking the best for your spouse each day, and finding ways to show that you appreciate each other.
Focus on your spouse, and it’s nearly impossible for them not to return the favor. Every great ship is turned with a small rudder…it only takes a little move on your part to turn your marriage around. BE FIRST TO LOSE YOUR SELFISHNESS in your home…it’s a race against the destruction of your family.
Why can’t we see what we’re doing? We kill our unborn children, and we sacrifice those that make it on the alter of our stone cold and selfish hearts.
Why not swallow the our pride, come to terms with the reality of the situation, and begin digging out with humility and grace for each other.
What if our soldiers left the battle field because they just decided it was just too hard? We call those who do cowards and deserters.
What if our med students decided that it was just too much, and they couldn’t take it anymore?
What if our Jesus decided he just didn’t feel like loving YOU anymore the day he died on the cross?
Pray and listen. There is hope; there is change; there is healing. Get your ’self’ out of the way, and let it happen.
After all, most that divorce remarry anyway…may as well save the one you’re in. You loved your spouse once – emotionally – now love them with your actions.
Stop…Pray…Change…and see the beautiful marriage that God can create in YOUR home.
Leon
Contributed by: Leon Baker
———————————————Harold,
I can understand your saying that being a child of divorce may turn a person off of getting married, but most people who get divorce do remarry at some point, so it must make sense to them to make a commitment to someone a second time.
Jodee Redmond LoveToKnow Editor
Contributed by: JCRedmond
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It’s so strange that so many marriages end in divorce. It makes you not want to get marriage. I have to say that I’m one of those statistics.
At least it was uncontested and amicable, we went through joint divorce website. It helped, but boy that’s not comforting.
Contributed by: Harold
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Melissa,
Some studies conducted on length of courtship and marital satisfaction/divorce rates indicate that if a couple marries relatively quickly (two years or less), they are at a higher risk for divorce. However, for every “rule”, there are exceptions. Generally speaking, if a couple takes longer to get to know each other and has good communication skills before the wedding, then they are more likely to be together for a number of years. Here’s a link that will provide you with some more information:
Jodee Redmond, LoveToKnow Editor
Contributed by: JCRedmond
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I haven’t been able to find anything on couples who get married only after a year of dating?
Contributed by: Melissa
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Megan,
Children is very difficult on everyone involved, including the children. It affects their view of relationships, and may make it more difficult for them to have a successful marriage themselves.
Jodee Redmond LoveToKnow Editor
Contributed by: JCRedmond
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I feel bad for the kids that have to go through their parents divorce…
Contributed by: megan
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Jessica,
One of the problems with statistics is that they don’t necessarily apply to everyone’s personal situation. Simply because an event is more likely if your parents happen to be divorced, it is not a guarantee that it will happen in every case.
where is all the positives to the divorce because my parent divorced when I was ten and now I am 20 in college and none of those stats have ever come into play with my life?
Contributed by: Jessica King
——————————————–
Wehahn,
Curious to know how long you were married. Also, how old were you and your former wife when you exchanged vows.
I have not seen stats on couples that regret divorcing, but as a Psychology major interested in family and marriage counseling I am fascinated by people’s life experiences.
Contributed by: Deb
—————————————–
I haven’t been able to find statistics on divorced couples who remarry each other, but the majority of people who are divorced eventually remarry. 75% of divorced men and 65% of divorced women say “I do” again. This figure does not take into account those people who choose to cohabit instead of being legally married.
Contributed by: JCRedmond
——————————————–
I have just got divorced after 10 years of marriage. I am 44 and my ex-wife 41. To be honest to date I really do not why my wife divorced me – no 3rd party – no conflict, we are still friends. My wife proceded with the divorce actions.It was my first mariage and my wife’s second marriage
Is there any stats on divorced couples that got together, and stats on parties that realized that perhaps they made a mistake by divorcing their spouse?
If you’re angry at your spouse, you may think getting a divorce will free you from talking to him or her ever again. However, it’s impossible to be permanently rid of your spouse when there are minor children in the picture. For the sake of your kids, you’ll need to find a way to work through your differences.
Helping Your Child Cope
Children, regardless of which parent they live with, have certain rights. They deserve truthful answers to their questions, recognition of their feelings, and relief from feelings of blame or guilt.
Experts who have studied children and divorce recommend parents consider the following tips when dealing with their children:
Explain the terms of your divorce agreement in an age-appropriate way. Helping your child understand issues regarding custody, visitation, and division of primary assets will alleviate some insecurity.
Agree to allow both parents to actively participate in the child’s life. Encourage your child’s school to keep both parents informed of conferences, special events, and any academic concerns.
Allow your child opportunities for private communication with each parent. Encourage phone calls, emails, text messages, or handwritten letters.
Don’t fight in front of your child. Don’t complain about your former spouse when your child is around. Remember, your child shares half of your former spouse’s DNA. An attack on him/her is an attack on your child.
Provide your child with opportunities to discuss his/her feelings. If he/she seems unusually depressed or is having trouble in school, considering enlisting the support of a therapist trained to deal with the issues surrounding children and divorce.
For more information about children and divorce, please see Making Divorce Easier on Your Child: 50 Effective Ways to Help Children Adjust.
Planning a Stress-Free Visitation
In most divorce agreements, one parent will have primary custody and the other will have regular visitation rights. Planning a stress-free visitation experience gives your child the opportunity to enjoy quality time with the non-custodial parent.
Experts who have studied children and divorce recommend parents consider the following tips when planning visitations:
Don’t expose children to your romantic relationships. It’s only natural to want to include your new boyfriend or girlfriend, but the visitation should be a time for your child to enjoy being with you. Also, if the relationship doesn’t work out, you’ve added another layer of loss to your child’s life.
Stick to the agreed-upon visitation schedule as much as possible. It’s fine to make exceptions for illnesses, holidays, or unforeseeable circumstances. However, canceling on your child at the last minute will leave him/her feeling rejected and unloved. It’s your responsibility to be punctual and dependable.
It’s fine to plan fun activities for your visitation, but resist the urge to spoil your child. Showering him/her with expensive presents and neglecting to discipline inappropriate behavior will only create problems later on.
Don’t use the visitation as an opportunity to dig up dirt on your former spouse. It’s inappropriate to ask your children questions about a parent’s romantic relationships, financial situation, or housekeeping skills.
Don’t ask your child to relay messages between you and your former spouse. If you have something to say, contact him/her directly. Asking your child to play messenger puts him/her in an awkward position.
Nearly four(4) out of every ten (10) children are being raised without their Fathers
Every state should restructure programs to promote fatherhood and marriage, say researchers Wade Horn and Andrew Bush. Building strong families would improve the life chances of children and help rebuild low-income communities.
*Among long-term prison inmates, 70 percent grew up without fathers, as did 60 percent of rapists and 75 percent of adolescents charged with murder.
* Fatherless children are three times more likely to fail school, require psychiatric treatment and commit suicide as adolescents.
*They are also up to 40 times more likely to experience child abuse compared with children growing up in two-parent families.
…
Source: Wade Horn and Andrew Bush, “Fathers, Marriage, and Welfare Reform,” Hudson Institute Executive Briefing, 1997, Hudson Institute, Herman Kahn Center, 5395 Emerson Way, Indianapolis, IN 46226, (317) 545-1000.
Quoted and condensed from National Center for Policy Analysis
Policy Digest, Monday, July 28, 1997 — “Making Ideas Change the World”
KUALA LUMPUR: “Communication” will be the buzzword for police as they brace for the anticipated rise in crime due to the global economic crisis.
Deputy Inspector-General of Police Tan Sri Ismail Omar, in an interview with the New Straits Times, said the force had already formulated a programme and strategy to deal with any criminal problem that could arise from financial hardships.
“We have formed a committee comprising deputy police chiefs of every state as well as district-level officers to tackle the problem.
“The main strategy is to be more involved with the people, in terms of crime prevention awareness, education and overall communication.
“We want to sit down with them, with those in business, in industries, in residents’ associations, and talk to them.”
This includes fine-tuning and improving the Rakan Cop community programme to maximise its benefits.
Ismail said the force was also engaged in on-going research and studies on how they could enhance their approach to policing.
In terms of operations, he said the police would be taking a two-pronged approach.
One element would be to intensify their regular policing work, which is usually conducted independently of other organisations.
The second element would involve an integrated approach with other bodies and agencies like local councils, the Road Transport Department, Immigration Department and Customs Department to cut down on crime from various angles.
Ismail said this year would mainly see a tweaking of the work which the force had done last year, which he said had met their objectives.
“You must understand that for the whole of last year, the crime rate only increased by two per cent. This is a minimal increase and meets our objectives.
“This year, we will improve and step up the tempo of what we did last year.”
Asked if the recent beefing up of the police force in terms of manpower, equipment and training would allow them to be more effective in combating crime, he said though it was a positive factor, it was important for the public to play their part, too.
“You cannot say police work is enough. This is a total war against crime and it’s very important that the public gets involved, especially in giving the police information.
“You need to help each other. Neighbours should have strong social links.
“The first element in crime prevention is the people themselves.
“If everybody unites, takes care of each other and works together, criminals will be deterred.”
On which types of crime police expect to see an increase, Ismail said the probable loss of jobs and incomes would lead to an increase in burglaries, break-ins and robberies.
There is also a chance that instances of cheating and swindling — which he said were linked to moral values which people could forsake out of desperation — could go up. “There may also be more syndicates that try to dupe desperate people.”
Asked if hard times would mean that police would be more “lenient” in issuing summonses to errant motorists, he said: “It doesn’t work that way. There are no two ways about it when it comes to committing offences. “The whole principle is that people should respect the law.”
SINGLE MOTHERS: Alimony law brings hope By : M.M. , Ipoh NST
I AM heartened by the news report “Muslim divorcee can seek alimony from ex-husband’ family under proposed law” ( NST, Nov 20).
Too many women and children have been let down by the current syariah system, with respect to maintenance rights.
About ten years ago, a friend divorced her husband because of his infidelity. He left her homeless, emptied their joint bank account, gave her a sexually transmitted disease and wanted no part in their children’s upbringing.
She managed to pursue him in the Syariah Family Court, at great expense. He was ordered to pay alimony and maintenance costs for the children, based upon a formula set by the court and agreed upon by the two parties.
For a few months everything went well. Then he suddenly stopped monthly payments and all attempts to contact him failed. He changed addresses several times and his parents claimed they did not know his whereabouts.
She had to move into a one- room rented accommodation and found it difficult surviving in Kuala Lumpur on her salary.
She begged her ex-in-laws to pay her children’s educational and medical expenses (the son is asthmatic). They agreed to assist her.
For some reason, the ex-husband suddenly became the middleman in these transactions and helped himself to the money designated for his children.
When my friend picked up the courage to again pursue her ex-husband in court, she found that the lawyer acting for her also added to her problems. The legal firm did not offer free or reduced legal aid but charged her what they claimed was an affordable fee.
They seemed to drag their heels and constantly had to be prompted to act. Moreover they expected her to locate the new address of the ex-husband, even to the point of serving notice on his suspected workplace.
The Syariah Court itself was subject to numerous delays, and insisted on the presence of the ex-husband in court, even when they were told he had absconded. After several hearings, they finally agreed that the man had done a disappearing act. A police warrant of arrest was issued but even then, no one could be bothered to act, preferring instead to place blame on the other party. There was no follow-up.
The whole process left my friend more desperate and depressed, and at one time, she attempted to take her own life. To this day, she is still trying to make her ex-husband face his responsibilities.
Unfortunately, my friend’s case is not uncommon nor is it an isolated incident.
Reckless men frequently abandon their wives without much thought for the welfare of the wife and children of their union. Divorce rates among Muslim men are the highest in the country and the ease with which Muslim men can divorce their wife for whatever reason does not help.
The law must be changed to reflect all the problems and terrible consequences faced by women when their marriage ends. There is also the question of the well-being of the children.
Current laws are not able to address the problems these women face. Many of them do not have the funds to pursue litigation, even if they know how to go about it. To compound this, many syariah courts are abnormally slow and usually favour the men’s interests.
Fines and prison sentences prove no deterrent if the men simply disappear. The onus then lies with the woman to locate the husband, even though her financial and emotional resources are already low.
I see no point in conducting marriage courses (kursus perkahwinan) if men can still break the norms of “good behaviour”, for instance by going to another state or across the border to take another wife.
Children from a broken marriage, where the ex-husband has made no provision for their welfare, often grow up dysfunctional and risk being led astray into drugs or delinquency. They end up emotionally scarred, give up their education and live in abject poverty.
However, we hear that the Islamic Family Law (Federal Territories) Act 1984 is to be amended such that the irresponsible husband has a choice between jail or being made to obtain “indirect” assistance from his family to help pay alimony.
There is hope yet for these unfortunate women and their children, who have been thrown into terrible circumstances through no fault of their own. We hope the law will be passed by Parliament with speed.
Tearful dad to fight for full child visiting rights
By Irdiani Mohd Salleh 2009/01/23 NST
KUALA LUMPUR: A father’s three-year battle for visitation rights to his four children ended yesterday when the Syariah High Court granted him conditional visits. A Muslim convert, Muhammad Shariffudin Shori Abdullah, 37, however, was not happy with the decision.
“I’m shocked and disappointed,” he told the New Straits Times.
“I need my kids and I love them very much. This is unfair,” he said with tears flowing.
He had expected visitation rights without conditions.
Syariah High Court judge Mukhyuddin Ibrahim yesterday ruled that Shariffudin could only visit the children on alternate weekends.
He has to see them at the house of his ex-wife, Fauziah Abdul Aziz, 39.
He is also not allowed to take the children out of the house or keep them overnight.
The order is effective until the court makes a final decision. The court also rejected Shariffudin’s application to re-enrol his first child, Rafael Insya Shori, 14, in his previous school, Mutiara International Grammar School. Fauziah had transferred the boy to SMK St John.
“I just want the best education for my child. “Furthermore, it’s my father and I who were paying for the international school fees,” said Shariffudin, who is a freelance cameraman.
Shariffudin claimed that Fauziah had not allowed him to see his children — Rafael, Zachary Bishen Dutt Shori, 9, Chantel Illyka Ann Shori, 5, and Janell Anne Das Jeremiah, 4 — since their divorce three years ago because his family was Christian.
They were married in 1993 but divorced in 2005.
“I was beaten-up by my ex-wife’s brothers when I went to my son’s school to see him. “I’m not a criminal. I just want to see my children,” Shariffudin said.
“With the court’s decision, I can see them, but it’s under a very hostile environment as Fauziah is staying with her family and her new husband.
“She is using the religion reason against me. I converted to Islam even before I married her and I’m still a Muslim.
“In this matter, we should put race and religion aside. I’m the father of the children.”
He also said Fauziah’s remarriage in 2007 was to his brother-in-law.
“The man was a Christian and was first married to my sister. But he converted to Islam and married my ex-wife,” he said, claiming that his sister and her ex-husband were not officially divorced.
“I don’t have the intention to take the children away from their mother. All I want is my rights as a father to see them without any conditions,” he said, adding that he would discuss the next course of action with his lawyer.
Lady: : Walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist for some ARSENIC.
Pharmacist : “Ma’am, what do you want with ARSENIC?
Lady : To kill my husband.”
Pharmacist: “I can’t sell you ARSENIC to kill a person!”
Lady : Shows a photo of a man and a woman in a compromising position.
Lady : This man is my husband and the woman is your wife.
Pharmacist : Takes the photo, and nods.
Pharmacist : “I didn’t realize you had a prescription!”
All NEGATIVE feelings are related to FEAR at the same time all positive ones are related to love, thus, doubt, anger, envy, vengeance, shame and jealousy are a form of FEAR on the other hand, trust, compassion, joy, gratitude, appreciation are associated to love.
All emotions are an important part of ourselves and should be welcome and never avoided, when you detect a feeling coming to you, as it happens hundreds of time each day, let them in, do not resist them as to do so is to generate stress.
The best way to react to negative feelings of fear and doubt is to accept them as they come in to your body energy centers, as this happen internalize and experience the tension in your chest, pit of the stomach or throat, analyze your thoughts do not resist them.
Remember, you can never change the person or event causing the pain, you can either react in anger and blame yourself or others for what is taking place or you can react with love and trust toward yourself another person or circumstance generating the FEAR.
If you are searching for the common denominator in your life, you are in luck. You are it.
Now that you know you are the ONLY consistent factor in any situation, you can begin to figure out how YOU are contributing to your recurring challenges and problems.
This is great news because, once you REALIZE you are at least part of the problem, you can begin to change your BEHAVIOUR, BELIEFS and ATTITUDES that are contributing to the situation.
Keep in mind that you have to concern YOURSELF only with you, not with anyone else.
You are the ONLY ONE WHOM YOU CAN CHANGE.
So DO NOT focus outside yourself.
Focus on the common denominator.
You will be amazed the difference this process will make in your life.
Before Marriage
Adam: Ah.. At last. I can hardly wait!
Eve : Do you want me to go away?
Adam: No! Don’t even think about it!
Eve : Do you love me?
Adam: Of course! always have and always will!
Eve : Have you ever cheated on me?
Adam: No! Why are you even asking?
Eve : Will you kiss me?
Adam: Every chance I get!
Eve : Will you hit me?
Adam: Hell No! Are you crazy?!
Eve : Can I trust you?
Adam: Yes
Eve : Darling!
September 25, 2008 at 10:42 am |
SAN FRANCISCO, Sept 24 ‘08— Actress Sharon Stone has lost another round of custody proceedings over her oldest son. A San Francisco judge denied her request for primary custody of 8-year-old Roan, who’s been living with his father, newspaper executive Phil Bronstein. The couple divorced in 2004 after six years of marriage.
The judge ruled on Sept 12 that Bronstein’s home is more stable and structured, reaffirming a court order last year that the executive vice president of the San Francisco Chronicle has permanent sole custody of Roan.
Stone retains visitation rights.
The judge also said the parents must consult with each other before enrolling their child in any tutoring activities, and that Stone’s telephone number should be programmed into Roan’s cell and home telephones. Stone has two other sons, Laird and Quinn, whom she adopted on her own.
October 20, 2008 at 10:26 pm |
This is for parent education & counseling classes and for divorced(ing) parents. ARE YOU A PARENTAL ALIENATOR ? Please answer unconditionally. YES / NO
1. Have I ever criticized or spoken negatively about the other parent or his/her family
or friends in front of my child or where the child can hear me?
2. Have I ever forced my child to choose between loving the other parent and me?
3. Do I talk about child support, money, or legal issues in front of my child?
4. Do I ever limit time with the other parent because I feel I am the best parent?
5. Do I ask the child to keep secrets, lie or hide things from the other parent?
6. Do I pump my child to get detailed information of where they go and what they do
when they are with the other parent?
7. Do I ever prevent the child from speaking with the other parent by blocking phone
messages, not returning phone calls, erasing email messages, not giving them mail or
gifts?
8. Do I interrupt the child’s time with the other parent by calling too much or planning
activities during their time together?
9. Do I deny my child the right to spend the designated time with the other parent?
10. Have I ever sabotaged any activity that my child is doing with the other parent?
11. Do I encourage my child to blame the other parent or to choose sides?
12. Do I use my child as a therapist or my special friend to share my deep and upsetting
emotions?
13. Do I let my child know that I feel badly when he/she has a good time with the other
parent?
14. Do I ask my child to spy for me while with the other parent?
15. Do I ever instill guilt, pressure, or rejection of the other parent in my child?
16. Do I make a contest of how much love, care, and attention the child gives to the
other parent and his or her family and friends versus how much attention I receive?
17. Have you ever made false accusations, such as implying drug abuse or inappropriate
sexual behavior to the police or Department of Child and Family Services?
18. Do I stop my child from expressing his/her feelings whether I agree with them or
not? (e.g., love, happiness, excitement, anger, fear, sadness)
If you answered “YES” to any of these questions, you need to evaluate to what extent you are engaging in parental alienation. Children need to be free to love both parents. If you don’t like the other parent or feel that they are inappropriate for your child, you need to solve the problem without resorting to destroying that child’s relationship with this parent. Your child can make up his or her own mind about how much they love or even like the other parent without being unduly influenced by you. Obsessed parent alienators will stop at nothing to damage or even severe a child’s relationship with a parent. This is a serious form of child abuse where a child is not allowed to have loving feelings for his parent, or his or her extended family and friends. These people represent half of the child’s heritage. Most parents “slip up” once in a while, however, parents who really care about their child’s best interest will do all they can to keep their child out of the middle and allow them to love both parents.
THE BEST PARENT IS BOTH PARENTS !
Article is an extract from: Stop Parental Alienation of Children (SPAC)
http://www.stopparentalalienation.org
http://www.breakthroughparentingservices.org
Contact: Jayne A. Major, Ph.D., Executive Director
Stop Parental Alienation of Children
Breakthrough Parenting Services, Inc.
12405 Venice Boulevard, #172, Los Angeles, CA 90066
Telephone: (310) 823-7846 Fax: (310) 388-0700 jaynemajor@gmail.com
October 21, 2008 at 11:48 am |
The Problem of Parental Alienation
Parental Alienation occurs any time that a parent, relative or friend speaks badly about another parent so that a child can hear what is being said. Alienating behavior may be mild, moderate or severe. All parents are likely to “lose it” and be inappropriate with their words around children, however, when there is a predominance of negative messages being communicated to a child, these messages can seriously erode the child’s psychological well-being. In severe cases of parental alienation, children are manipulated and brainwashed (programmed) into such states of confusion that their perception of events and people around them are severely distorted.
Parental alienation in its most severe form is a heinous form of child abuse and neglect. It is a dangerous manipulation of children’s minds to alter their perception of reality about another parent. The purpose of marginalizing this parent is that he or she has no means to be an effective parent or to cut that parent out of a child’s life entirely, called a parentectomy.
The Tragic Result
Severe cases of parental alienation have the characteristics of being complicated in two ways. Combative parents duel with conflicting stories of “he said / she said,” and make it very difficult to determine who is telling the truth. Brainwashed children often support the side of the offending parent with dramatic stories of how they have been abused by the target parent. As target parents argue their position, they often seem defensive even when they are telling the truth. Programmed children lose their own sense of reason and their ability to express their own choice in the matter. If the alienator is not contained, these manipulations of the child’s mind become the incubator of their own future psychological problems. These children have an altered perception of reality that is not in their best interest or in the best interest of society.
Unfortunately, in many cases, fully capable parents and their extended family and friends who love the child and would provide a nurturing and healthy family life are eliminated. Once the cutting out of a parent has occurred the child is left under the full care of the most disturbed and dysfunctional parent. These tragedies are played out in our family law courts daily.
Target parents find that normal methods of handling parental conflict such as mediation and therapy do not work. They are forced to appeal to a judge to make a decision that will enable them to continue to see their children. This is often an expensive and perilous path that rarely results in a satisfying outcome as few people, including judges, attorneys and therapists understand the nature of the problem.
For more information about Stop Parental Alienation of Children (SPAC) go to “Become Informed” http://www.stopparentalalienation.org/index.htm
October 22, 2008 at 9:45 am |
YOUR CHILDREN ?
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not
even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
- Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet
SO PEOPLE, DO NOT FIGHT OVER THEM !
November 14, 2008 at 10:38 am |
An Atheist Professor of Philosophy was speaking to his Class on The Problem Science
Has With GOD, the ALMIGHTY. He asked one of his New Christian Students to stand
Prof : You are a Christian, aren’t you,?
Student: Yes, sir.
Prof : So, you Believe in GOD ?
Student: Absolutely, sir.
Prof : Is GOD Good ?
Student: Sure
Prof : Is GOD ALL – POWERFUL ?
Student: Yes
Prof : My Brother died of Cancer even though he Prayed to GOD to Heal him. Most of us would attempt to help others who are ill. But GOD didn’t. How is this GOD good then? Hmm? (Student was silent )
Prof : You can’t answer, can you ? Let’s start again, Young Fella. Is GOD Good?
Student: Yes
Prof : Is Satan good ?
Student: No
Prof : Where does Satan come from ?
Student: From . . . GOD . . .
Prof : That’s right. Tell me son, is there evil in this World?
Student: Yes
Prof : Evil is everywhere, isn’t it ? And GOD did make Everything. Correct?
Student: Yes
Prof : So who created evil? (Student did not answer)
Prof : Is there Sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things exist in the World, don’t they?
Student: Yes, sir.
Prof : So, who Created them? (Student had no answer)
Prof : Science says you have 5 Senses you use to Identify And Observe the World around you. Tell me, son.. Have you ever Seen GOD?
Student: No, sir
Prof : Tell us if you have ever Heard your GOD?
Student: No , sir.
Prof : Have you ever Felt your GOD, Tasted your GOD, Smelt Your GOD? Have you ever had any Sensory Perception of GOD for that matter?
Student: No, sir. I’m afraid I haven’t.
Prof : Yet you still Believe in HIM?
Student: Yes
Prof : According to Empirical, Testable, Demonstrable Protocol, Science says your GOD doesn’t exist. What do You say to that, son?
Student: Nothing. I only have my Faith
Prof : Yes,Faith. And that is the Problem Science has
Student: Professor, is there such a thing as Heat?
Prof : Yes
Student: And is there such a thing as Cold?
Prof : Yes
Student: No, sir. There isn’t. (The Lecture Theatre became very quiet)
Student: Sir, you can have Lots of Heat, even More Heat,Superheat, Mega Heat, White Heat, a Little Heat or No Heat. But we don’t have anything called Cold. We can hit 458 Degrees Below Zero which is No Heat, but we can’t go any further after that. There is no such thing as Cold. Cold is only a Word we use to Describe the Absence of Heat. We cannot Measure Cold. Heat is Energy. Cold is Not the Opposite of Heat, sir, just the Absence of it. (There was Pin-Drop Silence in LectureTheatre)
Student: What about Darkness, Professor? Is there such a Thing as Darkness?
Prof : Yes. What is Night if there isn’t Darkness?
Student: You’re wrong again, sir. Darkness is the Absence of Something. You can have Low Light, Normal Light, Bright Light, Flashing Light.. But if you have No Light constantly, you have nothing and its called Darkness, isn’t it?In reality, if it is, were you would be able to make Darkness Darker, wouldn’t you?
Prof : So what is the point you are making?
Student: Sir, my point is your Philosophical Premise is flawed.
Prof : Flawed ? Can you explain how?
Student: Sir, you are working on the Premise of Duality.You argue there is Life and then there is Death, a Good GOD And a Bad GOD. You are viewing the Concept of GOD as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, Science can’t even
explain a Thought. It uses Electricity and Magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one. To view Death as the Opposite of Life is to be ignorant of the fact that Death cannot exist as a Substantive Thing. Death is Not the Opposite of Life: just the absence of it. Now tell me, Professor, do you teach your Students that they evolved from a Monkey?
Prof : If you are referring to the Natural Evolutionary Process, Yes, of course, I do
Student: Have you ever observed Evolution with your own eyes, sir? (The Professor shook his head with a Smile, beginning to realize where the Argument was going)
Student: Since no one has ever observed the Process of Evolution At work and Cannot even prove that this Process is an On-Going Endeavor. Are you not teaching your Opinion, sir? Are you not a Scientist but a Preacher? (The Class was in Uproar)
Student: Is there anyone in the Class who has ever seen the Professor’s Brain? (The Class broke out into Laughter )
Student: Is there anyone here who has ever heard the Professor’s Brain, Felt it, touched or Smelt it?.. No one appears to have done so. So, according to the Established Rules of Empirical, Stable, Demonstrable Protocol, Science says that You have No Brain, sir. With all due respect, sir, how do we then Trust your Lectures, sir?
(The Room was Silent. The Professor stared at the Student, his Face unfathomable)
Prof : I guess you’ll have to take them on Faith, son.
Student: That is it sir.. Exactly! The Link between Man and GOD is FAITH. That is all that Keeps Things Alive and Moving.
NB: I believe you have enjoyed the Conversation.. You’ll probably want your Friends / Colleagues to enjoy the same and Increase their Knowledge or FAITH. That student was…. Albert Einstein
November 21, 2008 at 5:00 pm |
Here is a recent article extracted from The Star and NST Online which is relevant to the issues brought up. Do visit:
1) Star Online: Suffer the children
http://thestar.com.my/lifestyle/story.asp?file=/2008/11/10/lifefocus/2395986&sec=lifefocus
2) Star Online: Innocent Victims
http://thestar.com.my/lifestyle/story.asp?file=/2008/11/10/lifefocus/2396331&sec=lifefocus
3) Star Online: Putting them first
http://thestar.com.my/lifestyle/story.asp?file=/2008/11/10/lifefocus/2396343&sec=lifefocus
4) NST Online: EDITORIAL: Saving marriages
http://www.nst.com.my/Current_News/NST/Tuesday/Columns/2404636/Article
5) NST Online: Tribunals ill-prepared to solve marriage woes
http://www.nst.com.my/Current_News/NST/Monday/National/2403909/Article
November 28, 2008 at 6:28 pm |
An extract dtd 1st July 2008 from The Straits Times, Singapore – Online
Parent Alienation: Spare a thought for fathers
I APPLAUD Mr Alexander Wittberger for creating awareness of Parent Alienation and the likely result of afflicted children growing up with heavy emotional baggage and problems, ‘Beware parent alienation’ (May 9). Since care and control of children in a divorce are usually given to mothers, it is usually fathers who are targets of parent alienation. I am myself such a target.
We see letters complaining of errant fathers failing to provide maintenance. Here is a father who has been giving maintenance to his ex-wife every month without fail, only to find out that the system doesn’t give as much assistance to us fathers trying to get access to their children to spend quality time on our own as parent and child.
I now have only supervised access to my nine-year-old son, meaning that my wife is present when I have access to my son.
Although I try my best to make this a normal family outing for our child, she does her best to sour the mood. Her presence stifles the child’s spontaneity towards me. He has no choice but to follow her script of alienation towards me because he is living with her the rest of the time. When things don’t go according to her liking, she leaves. Naturally, the child follows.
What I have discovered is that divorced fathers who care to want to bond with their children are left to struggle against such difficulties on their own by our system. There is maintenance court but there is no access court. To negotiate access, to work out the terms and to bring to the courts complaints of being regularly short-changed all have to be done with costly legal help or on the father’s own, without knowledge of legalities.
The focus seems always on the contributions and sacrifices of mothers and wives and the problems they face. When are we going to have the sense of balance to laud the contributions of and give equal assistance to both parents? Cheng Wee
December 12, 2008 at 1:49 pm |
As mentioned by: Dr. William Henry ‘Bill’ Cosby, Jr., Ed.D
‘They’re standing on the corner and they can’t speak English. I can’t even talk the way these people talk:
Why you ain’t, Where you is, What he drive, Where he stay,
Where he work, Who you be..
And I blamed the kid until I heard the mother talk. And then I heard the father talk.
Everybody knows it’s important to speak English except these knuckleheads. You can’t be a doctor with that kind of crap coming out of your mouth. In fact you will never get any kind of job making a decent living. People marched and were hit in the face with rocks to get an Education, and now we’ve got these knuckleheads walking around.
The lower economic people are not holding up their end in this deal. These people are not parenting. They are buying things for kids. $500 sneakers for what? And they won’t spend $200 for Hooked on Phonics. I am talking about these people who cry when their son is standing there in an orange suit.
Where were you when he was 2? Where were you when he was 12? Where were you when he was 18 and how come you didn’t know that he had a pistol? And where is the father? Or who is his father?
People putting their clothes on backward:
Isn’t that a sign of something gone wrong?
People with their hats on backward, pants down around the crack, isn’t that a sign of something?
Isn’t it a sign of something when she has her dress all the way up and got all type of needles [piercing] going through her body?
What part of Africa did this come from?? We are not Africans. Those people are not Africans; they don’t know a thing about Africa… I say this all of the time. It would be like white people saying they are European-American. That is totally stupid. I was born here, and so were my parents and grand parents and, very likely my great grandparents. I don’t have any connection to Africa, no more than white Americans have to Germany, Scotland, England, Ireland, or the Netherlands. The same applies to 99 percent of all the black Americans as regards to Africa. So stop, already! ! ! With names like Shaniqua, Taliqua and Mohammed and all of that crap…and all of them are in jail.
Brown or black versus the Board of Education is no longer the white person’s problem. We have got to take the neighborhood back.
People used to be ashamed. Today a woman has eight children with eight different ‘husbands’ — or men or whatever you call them now.
We have millionaire football players who cannot read.
We have million-dollar basketball players who can’t write two paragraphs. We, as black folks have to do a better job.
Someone working at Wal-Mart with seven kids, you are hurting us. We have to start holding each other to a higher standard. We cannot blame the white people any longer.’
December 13, 2008 at 9:51 am |
Australian Dads in Dark About Recent Family Law changes, Says Fathers4Equality
Ash Patil, President of Equal Parenting group Fathers4Equality, comments on the recent family law changes in Australia. these children are the silent victims of a family law institution purposely designed to deny a child a meaningful relationship with one of their parents, simply because the parents had divorced.
These family law orphans are the legacy of a fundamentally flawed system that has treated children as the ultimate prize, to be won by one parent and lost by the other.
For more than three decades, the best interests of the child was a maxim in words only, masquerading an industry obsessed with promoting adversarial conflict, entrenching gender stereotypes, and insisting on a winner-takes-all philosophy designed to raise the stakes and generate massive legal fees in the process.
Most significant changes to family law in the last thirty years. With some fathers having already applied for and been granted 5 or 6 days residence out of every 14, we have some hope that things are improving.
We continue to have serious concerns about the entrenched anti-male bias through-out every level of the family law industry, the escalation of false domestic violence allegations as a tactic of depriving access to children, and a lack of consistency on the application of the legislation throughout the registries. It is still significantly better than what we had before dismayed at the level of ignorance displayed by many fathers (and their solicitors) at the changes.
We get emails every single day from desperate and sometimes suicidal fathers in the midst of separation, who are close to breakdown because they fear that they will never see their kids again
The threat of denying access to children, often made by mothers during separation, may have been a truism in the past, but is less likely to be endorsed by the courts today. We simply need more fathers to be aware of this, he says emphatically!
Considering the grim suicide statistics awaiting fathers after divorce, where more men suicide every year than this country’s total road death toll, the importance of educating those most vulnerable about these changes cannot be understated. This is as much about changing the expectations of a whole community as it is about informing father’s of the recent changes. Let’s hope that the Family Law courts live up to the intent of the legislation then maybe next year, many more children would have spent fathers’ day with their dad, than was the case this year.
(PRWEB) September 7, 2007 — Now that fathers’ day has come and gone for another September in Australia, spare a thought for the tens of thousands of Australian children who did not see their father this past Sunday.
Ash Patil, President of equal parenting group Fathers4Equality, says that, “these children are the silent victims of a family law institution purposely designed to deny a child a meaningful relationship with one of their parents, simply because the parents had divorced.”
He says that, “these family law orphans are the legacy of a fundamentally flawed system that has treated children as the ultimate prize, to be won by one parent and lost by the other.” (According to the Family Court of Australia, 97.5% of all family law proceedings result in the children losing one of their parents).
James Adams, media spokesperson for Fathers4Equality adds that, “for more than three decades, the best interests of the child was a maxim in words only, masquerading an industry obsessed with promoting adversarial conflict, entrenching gender stereotypes, and insisting on a winner-takes-all philosophy designed to raise the stakes and generate massive legal fees in the process.”
But some people in federal parliament would have you think that things have been changing for the better, especially since the introduction July last year of various family law amendments, claimed by the federal Attorney-General to be the “most significant changes to family law in the last thirty years.”
Patil states that despite it still being too early to pass judgment on the application of the legislation by the courts, the intent of the Family Law Amendment (Shared Parental Responsibility) Act 2006 has been quite clear:
(i) That there is a rebuttable presumption of equal joint parental responsibility.
(ii) That if this presumption is not rebutted (through credible concerns for the child’s safety, for instance), then the Court must consider an equal parenting time arrangement, or whatever shared parenting time arrangement is requested.
(iii) If such an arrangement is not awarded, the Court must clearly explain why.
Patil adds that the legislation is designed to promote significant and substantial shared parenting time (with both parents) for children of divorce, while at the same time bolstering safeguards against legitimate and credible risks to the child’s safety, and allowing the Court ample discretion against impractical arrangements that simply would not work. Patil says that “with some fathers having already applied for and been granted 5 or 6 days residence out of every 14, we have some hope that things are improving.”
Patil emphasises however that Fathers4Equality “continue to have serious concerns about the entrenched anti-male bias through-out every level of the family law industry, the escalation of false domestic violence allegations as a tactic of depriving access to children, and a lack of consistency on the application of the legislation throughout the registries.”
Patil notes that although the legislation is far from what is required, “it is still significantly better than what we had before”, and yet despite this assessment, James Adams says he is still “dismayed at the level of ignorance displayed by many fathers (and their solicitors) at the changes.”
Adams says that, “We get emails every single day from desperate and sometimes suicidal fathers in the midst of separation, who are close to breakdown because they fear that they will never see their kids again”. Adams makes the point that “the threat of denying access to children, often made by mothers during separation, may have been a truism in the past, but is less likely to be endorsed by the courts today. We simply need more fathers to be aware of this, he says emphatically!”
Adams says that “considering the grim suicide statistics awaiting fathers after divorce, where more men suicide every year than this country’s total road death toll, the importance of educating those most vulnerable about these changes cannot be understated.”
Although Patil is extremely grateful at the commitment the Prime Minister has shown in changing these flawed family laws, Fathers4Equality is requesting that the government do more to promote the message of change.
Ash says that, “this is as much about changing the expectations of a whole community as it is about informing father’s of the recent changes.”
According to Fathers4Equality, the jury is still out on whether the courts, who have been historically resistant to any form of shared parenting initiatives, will interpret these laws as they were intended over time, but the whole family law reform package put out by the Australian government has underscored a decisiveness for change, that at face value, seems quite genuine, at least for now.
“Let’s hope that the Family Law courts live up to the intent of the legislation,” Patil says in a positive tone. “Then maybe next year, many more children would have spent fathers’ day with their dad, than was the case this year.”
If you want to comment on your experience with the new family law reforms, or read about the experiences of others, visit the Fathers4Equality – Fathers Matter – blog at:
http://blog.fathers4equality-australia.org
December 13, 2008 at 11:29 am |
Overview Of Shari’a and Prevalent Customs In Islamic Societies – Divorce and Child Custody
By: Kristine Uhlman UmHani
Submitted January, 2004
1.0 – Sources of Shari’a
2.0 – The Emergence of Islamic Schools of Thought
3.0 – Geographical Dispersion of the Juristic Schools
3.1 – Sunni Schools
3.2 – Shia Schools
4.0 – The Influence of Shari’a on Modern Laws
5.0 – Marriage
5.1 – The Marriage Contract
5.2 – Preconditions of and Prohibitions on Marriage
5.3 – Formation of the Marriage Contract
5.4 – Spouses’ Rights and Obligations to Each Other
5.5 – Conversion to Islam During Marriage
6.0 – Divorce
6.1 – Talaq
6.2 – Khula
6.3 – Tafriq
7.0 – Recognition of Divorces Obtained in Secular or Foreign Courts
8.0 – Child Custody Following Divorce
8.1 – Requirements of a Mother Custodian
8.2 – A Mother’s Right to Physical Custody
9.0 – Gender Relations and Restrictions on Women
10.0 – Children and the Parent-Child Relationship
10.1 – Circumcision of Children
10.2 – Extended Family
11.0 – Custody Abduction to the Islamic Countries
Footnotes
Further info. goto: http://www.expertlaw.com/library/family_law/islamic_custody-3.html#80
December 13, 2008 at 11:44 am |
Islamic Family Law and Justice for Muslim Women
This report was contributed by Sisters In Islam, Malaysia, from their Regional Workshop on Conference on Islamic Family Law and Justice for Muslim Women held in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia in June 2001. Discussants from a variety of countries consider marriage, polygamy, divorce, financial provisions and custody under the laws of each of their nations.
- Workshop Overview
- Marriage
- Polygamy
- Divorce
- Financial Provision
- Custody / Guardianship / Child Maintenance
- Special Case: Procedure and Case Management, Singapore
- Strategies for Reform Amina Wadud
- Reform and Reinterpretation of Texts, Ziba Mir-Hosseini
- Gender Rights
Further info. goto:
http://www.asiasource.org/asip/muslimwomen.cfm#custody
December 15, 2008 at 12:25 pm |
In the United States, 49% of marriages end in divorce.
Although 82% of all married couples will reach their fifth wedding anniversary, only 52% will celebrate 15 years of marriage.
The median duration of first marriages that end in divorce is slightly less than eight years.
Most people will wait about three years after a divorce to remarry.
Most divorce proceedings will take approximately one year to complete.
World Divorce Statistics
In case you were wondering, divorce rates do vary substantially in different countries. Check out these world divorce statistics:
In Sweden, 64% of marriages end in divorce
In Canada, 45% of marriages end in divorce
In France, 43% of marriages end in divorce
In Israel, 26% of marriages end in divorce
In Greece, 18% of marriages end in divorce
In Italy, 12% of marriages end in divorce
The Economic Impact of Divorce
If you review current divorce statistics, some of the most shocking facts relate to the economic impact of divorce. While it’s not uncommon for a father’s standard of living to rise after a divorce, the end of marriage often leaves women and children in poverty. Consider the following divorce statistics:
Divorced women with children are four times more likely than married women to have an income that is under the poverty line.
A single mom is nine times more likely than a married woman to have an income that is less than half the official poverty line.
Although 10% of families in the U.S. are headed by a woman, 40% of poor families have a female head of household.
Of course, divorce also results in a higher cost to society as a whole. According to one study, a single divorce can cost state and federal governments more than $30,000 in court fees, increased bankruptcies, food stamps, and public housing benefits.
Children and Divorce
The effects of divorce on children have been widely studied. Consider the following divorce statistics:
The number of children living with both parents decreased from 85% to 68% between 1970 and 1996.
About half of all children will witness the breakup of a parent’s marriage. Of these kids, nearly half will also witness a parent’s second divorce.
Children who are raised in single-parent homes are less likely to marry and more likely to divorce.
Teen girls from single parent homes are twice as likely to drop out of high school or give birth to an out-of-wedlock child.
Preventing Divorce
According to Barbara Whitehead and David Popenoe’s The State of Our Unions, the following factors help reduce a person’s risk of getting divorced:
If you have an annual income of over $50,000, your risk of divorce decreases by 30%.
If you wait to marry until you’re over 25 years of age, your risk of divorce decreases by 24%.
If your parents are happily married, your risk of divorce decreases by 14%.
If you have strong religious beliefs, your risk of divorce decreases by 14%.
If you’ve attended college, your risk of divorce decreases by 13%.
Sourced from:
http://divorce.lovetoknow.com/Divorce_Statistics
December 15, 2008 at 12:38 pm |
LoveToKnow Divorce:AllComments
From: LoveToKnow DivorceComments
The best way to avoid a divorce is to never marry. I’ve been living with my “wife” and could care less how this sick society defines us. We have two great kids and make it work. The whole process is clearly a giant money grab by the courts and the slimy lawyers and legislators that create the web of unconstitutional “laws” for the good of us all that are really designed to do one thing and that is preserve the profits of those involved in administering those laws. No thanks, I am not signing a contract with the state of Ny. And as far as the “benefits” of marriage like insurance that exists on behalf of my work and is illegally being witheld by insurance companies that are nothing more than racketeering organizations that make the mob look like a bunch of school kids === they can kiss my you know what. I have more to say but this is too much already. Marriage 50-50 odds= might as well toss a coin those are your chances.
Contributed by: ted
———————————————-
Leon,
You make some very good points. Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts.
Jodee Redmond LoveToKnow Editor
Contributed by: JCRedmond
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I’ve done a bit of marriage counseling and discipleship, and without question, the biggest issue to deal with is SELFISHNESS!
When it comes to divorce…stop! Stop being selfish, stop being emotional. Truly, there are some people out there who are s – and I do not mean to imply that a person should endure physical harm to themselves or children. BUT, if you feel like throwing it away because it “just isn’t there anymore”, you are not only pulling another thread out of the fabric of America’s already tattered family unit, but you are exposing your children’s future to great risk.
You may not fully appreciate the consequences of your actions to those in your family as my experience is that a person contemplating divorce is quite self-involved at the time – to say the least.
YOUR marriage really can be saved; there is a LOT of power in seeking the best for your spouse each day, and finding ways to show that you appreciate each other.
Focus on your spouse, and it’s nearly impossible for them not to return the favor. Every great ship is turned with a small rudder…it only takes a little move on your part to turn your marriage around. BE FIRST TO LOSE YOUR SELFISHNESS in your home…it’s a race against the destruction of your family.
Why can’t we see what we’re doing? We kill our unborn children, and we sacrifice those that make it on the alter of our stone cold and selfish hearts.
Why not swallow the our pride, come to terms with the reality of the situation, and begin digging out with humility and grace for each other.
What if our soldiers left the battle field because they just decided it was just too hard? We call those who do cowards and deserters.
What if our med students decided that it was just too much, and they couldn’t take it anymore?
What if our Jesus decided he just didn’t feel like loving YOU anymore the day he died on the cross?
Pray and listen. There is hope; there is change; there is healing. Get your ’self’ out of the way, and let it happen.
After all, most that divorce remarry anyway…may as well save the one you’re in. You loved your spouse once – emotionally – now love them with your actions.
Stop…Pray…Change…and see the beautiful marriage that God can create in YOUR home.
Leon
Contributed by: Leon Baker
———————————————Harold,
I can understand your saying that being a child of divorce may turn a person off of getting married, but most people who get divorce do remarry at some point, so it must make sense to them to make a commitment to someone a second time.
Jodee Redmond LoveToKnow Editor
Contributed by: JCRedmond
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It’s so strange that so many marriages end in divorce. It makes you not want to get marriage. I have to say that I’m one of those statistics.
At least it was uncontested and amicable, we went through joint divorce website. It helped, but boy that’s not comforting.
Contributed by: Harold
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Melissa,
Some studies conducted on length of courtship and marital satisfaction/divorce rates indicate that if a couple marries relatively quickly (two years or less), they are at a higher risk for divorce. However, for every “rule”, there are exceptions. Generally speaking, if a couple takes longer to get to know each other and has good communication skills before the wedding, then they are more likely to be together for a number of years. Here’s a link that will provide you with some more information:
http://www.lifeway.com/lwc/article_main_page/0,1703,A%253D150146%2526M%253D50019,00.html
Jodee Redmond, LoveToKnow Editor
Contributed by: JCRedmond
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I haven’t been able to find anything on couples who get married only after a year of dating?
Contributed by: Melissa
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Megan,
Children is very difficult on everyone involved, including the children. It affects their view of relationships, and may make it more difficult for them to have a successful marriage themselves.
Jodee Redmond LoveToKnow Editor
Contributed by: JCRedmond
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I feel bad for the kids that have to go through their parents divorce…
Contributed by: megan
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Jessica,
One of the problems with statistics is that they don’t necessarily apply to everyone’s personal situation. Simply because an event is more likely if your parents happen to be divorced, it is not a guarantee that it will happen in every case.
Jodee Redmond LoveToKnow Editor
Contributed by: JCRedmond
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where is all the positives to the divorce because my parent divorced when I was ten and now I am 20 in college and none of those stats have ever come into play with my life?
Contributed by: Jessica King
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Wehahn,
Curious to know how long you were married. Also, how old were you and your former wife when you exchanged vows.
I have not seen stats on couples that regret divorcing, but as a Psychology major interested in family and marriage counseling I am fascinated by people’s life experiences.
Contributed by: Deb
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I haven’t been able to find statistics on divorced couples who remarry each other, but the majority of people who are divorced eventually remarry. 75% of divorced men and 65% of divorced women say “I do” again. This figure does not take into account those people who choose to cohabit instead of being legally married.
Contributed by: JCRedmond
——————————————–
I have just got divorced after 10 years of marriage. I am 44 and my ex-wife 41. To be honest to date I really do not why my wife divorced me – no 3rd party – no conflict, we are still friends. My wife proceded with the divorce actions.It was my first mariage and my wife’s second marriage
Is there any stats on divorced couples that got together, and stats on parties that realized that perhaps they made a mistake by divorcing their spouse?
Regards, Wehahn
Sourced from: http://divorce.lovetoknow.com/index.php?title=LoveToKnow_Divorce:AllComments&cmtTitle=Divorce_Statistics
December 15, 2008 at 12:45 pm |
If you’re angry at your spouse, you may think getting a divorce will free you from talking to him or her ever again. However, it’s impossible to be permanently rid of your spouse when there are minor children in the picture. For the sake of your kids, you’ll need to find a way to work through your differences.
Helping Your Child Cope
Children, regardless of which parent they live with, have certain rights. They deserve truthful answers to their questions, recognition of their feelings, and relief from feelings of blame or guilt.
Experts who have studied children and divorce recommend parents consider the following tips when dealing with their children:
Explain the terms of your divorce agreement in an age-appropriate way. Helping your child understand issues regarding custody, visitation, and division of primary assets will alleviate some insecurity.
Agree to allow both parents to actively participate in the child’s life. Encourage your child’s school to keep both parents informed of conferences, special events, and any academic concerns.
Allow your child opportunities for private communication with each parent. Encourage phone calls, emails, text messages, or handwritten letters.
Don’t fight in front of your child. Don’t complain about your former spouse when your child is around. Remember, your child shares half of your former spouse’s DNA. An attack on him/her is an attack on your child.
Provide your child with opportunities to discuss his/her feelings. If he/she seems unusually depressed or is having trouble in school, considering enlisting the support of a therapist trained to deal with the issues surrounding children and divorce.
For more information about children and divorce, please see Making Divorce Easier on Your Child: 50 Effective Ways to Help Children Adjust.
Planning a Stress-Free Visitation
In most divorce agreements, one parent will have primary custody and the other will have regular visitation rights. Planning a stress-free visitation experience gives your child the opportunity to enjoy quality time with the non-custodial parent.
Experts who have studied children and divorce recommend parents consider the following tips when planning visitations:
Don’t expose children to your romantic relationships. It’s only natural to want to include your new boyfriend or girlfriend, but the visitation should be a time for your child to enjoy being with you. Also, if the relationship doesn’t work out, you’ve added another layer of loss to your child’s life.
Stick to the agreed-upon visitation schedule as much as possible. It’s fine to make exceptions for illnesses, holidays, or unforeseeable circumstances. However, canceling on your child at the last minute will leave him/her feeling rejected and unloved. It’s your responsibility to be punctual and dependable.
It’s fine to plan fun activities for your visitation, but resist the urge to spoil your child. Showering him/her with expensive presents and neglecting to discipline inappropriate behavior will only create problems later on.
Don’t use the visitation as an opportunity to dig up dirt on your former spouse. It’s inappropriate to ask your children questions about a parent’s romantic relationships, financial situation, or housekeeping skills.
Don’t ask your child to relay messages between you and your former spouse. If you have something to say, contact him/her directly. Asking your child to play messenger puts him/her in an awkward position.
January 22, 2009 at 4:51 pm |
Nearly four(4) out of every ten (10) children are being raised without their Fathers
Every state should restructure programs to promote fatherhood and marriage, say researchers Wade Horn and Andrew Bush. Building strong families would improve the life chances of children and help rebuild low-income communities.
*Among long-term prison inmates, 70 percent grew up without fathers, as did 60 percent of rapists and 75 percent of adolescents charged with murder.
* Fatherless children are three times more likely to fail school, require psychiatric treatment and commit suicide as adolescents.
*They are also up to 40 times more likely to experience child abuse compared with children growing up in two-parent families.
…
Source: Wade Horn and Andrew Bush, “Fathers, Marriage, and Welfare Reform,” Hudson Institute Executive Briefing, 1997, Hudson Institute, Herman Kahn Center, 5395 Emerson Way, Indianapolis, IN 46226, (317) 545-1000.
Quoted and condensed from National Center for Policy Analysis
Policy Digest, Monday, July 28, 1997 — “Making Ideas Change the World”
January 24, 2009 at 12:24 pm |
KUALA LUMPUR: “Communication” will be the buzzword for police as they brace for the anticipated rise in crime due to the global economic crisis.
Deputy Inspector-General of Police Tan Sri Ismail Omar, in an interview with the New Straits Times, said the force had already formulated a programme and strategy to deal with any criminal problem that could arise from financial hardships.
“We have formed a committee comprising deputy police chiefs of every state as well as district-level officers to tackle the problem.
“The main strategy is to be more involved with the people, in terms of crime prevention awareness, education and overall communication.
“We want to sit down with them, with those in business, in industries, in residents’ associations, and talk to them.”
This includes fine-tuning and improving the Rakan Cop community programme to maximise its benefits.
Ismail said the force was also engaged in on-going research and studies on how they could enhance their approach to policing.
In terms of operations, he said the police would be taking a two-pronged approach.
One element would be to intensify their regular policing work, which is usually conducted independently of other organisations.
The second element would involve an integrated approach with other bodies and agencies like local councils, the Road Transport Department, Immigration Department and Customs Department to cut down on crime from various angles.
Ismail said this year would mainly see a tweaking of the work which the force had done last year, which he said had met their objectives.
“You must understand that for the whole of last year, the crime rate only increased by two per cent. This is a minimal increase and meets our objectives.
“This year, we will improve and step up the tempo of what we did last year.”
Asked if the recent beefing up of the police force in terms of manpower, equipment and training would allow them to be more effective in combating crime, he said though it was a positive factor, it was important for the public to play their part, too.
“You cannot say police work is enough. This is a total war against crime and it’s very important that the public gets involved, especially in giving the police information.
“You need to help each other. Neighbours should have strong social links.
“The first element in crime prevention is the people themselves.
“If everybody unites, takes care of each other and works together, criminals will be deterred.”
On which types of crime police expect to see an increase, Ismail said the probable loss of jobs and incomes would lead to an increase in burglaries, break-ins and robberies.
There is also a chance that instances of cheating and swindling — which he said were linked to moral values which people could forsake out of desperation — could go up. “There may also be more syndicates that try to dupe desperate people.”
Asked if hard times would mean that police would be more “lenient” in issuing summonses to errant motorists, he said: “It doesn’t work that way. There are no two ways about it when it comes to committing offences. “The whole principle is that people should respect the law.”
January 24, 2009 at 12:27 pm |
SINGLE MOTHERS: Alimony law brings hope By : M.M. , Ipoh NST
I AM heartened by the news report “Muslim divorcee can seek alimony from ex-husband’ family under proposed law” ( NST, Nov 20).
Too many women and children have been let down by the current syariah system, with respect to maintenance rights.
About ten years ago, a friend divorced her husband because of his infidelity. He left her homeless, emptied their joint bank account, gave her a sexually transmitted disease and wanted no part in their children’s upbringing.
She managed to pursue him in the Syariah Family Court, at great expense. He was ordered to pay alimony and maintenance costs for the children, based upon a formula set by the court and agreed upon by the two parties.
For a few months everything went well. Then he suddenly stopped monthly payments and all attempts to contact him failed. He changed addresses several times and his parents claimed they did not know his whereabouts.
She had to move into a one- room rented accommodation and found it difficult surviving in Kuala Lumpur on her salary.
She begged her ex-in-laws to pay her children’s educational and medical expenses (the son is asthmatic). They agreed to assist her.
For some reason, the ex-husband suddenly became the middleman in these transactions and helped himself to the money designated for his children.
When my friend picked up the courage to again pursue her ex-husband in court, she found that the lawyer acting for her also added to her problems. The legal firm did not offer free or reduced legal aid but charged her what they claimed was an affordable fee.
They seemed to drag their heels and constantly had to be prompted to act. Moreover they expected her to locate the new address of the ex-husband, even to the point of serving notice on his suspected workplace.
The Syariah Court itself was subject to numerous delays, and insisted on the presence of the ex-husband in court, even when they were told he had absconded. After several hearings, they finally agreed that the man had done a disappearing act. A police warrant of arrest was issued but even then, no one could be bothered to act, preferring instead to place blame on the other party. There was no follow-up.
The whole process left my friend more desperate and depressed, and at one time, she attempted to take her own life. To this day, she is still trying to make her ex-husband face his responsibilities.
Unfortunately, my friend’s case is not uncommon nor is it an isolated incident.
Reckless men frequently abandon their wives without much thought for the welfare of the wife and children of their union. Divorce rates among Muslim men are the highest in the country and the ease with which Muslim men can divorce their wife for whatever reason does not help.
The law must be changed to reflect all the problems and terrible consequences faced by women when their marriage ends. There is also the question of the well-being of the children.
Current laws are not able to address the problems these women face. Many of them do not have the funds to pursue litigation, even if they know how to go about it. To compound this, many syariah courts are abnormally slow and usually favour the men’s interests.
Fines and prison sentences prove no deterrent if the men simply disappear. The onus then lies with the woman to locate the husband, even though her financial and emotional resources are already low.
I see no point in conducting marriage courses (kursus perkahwinan) if men can still break the norms of “good behaviour”, for instance by going to another state or across the border to take another wife.
Children from a broken marriage, where the ex-husband has made no provision for their welfare, often grow up dysfunctional and risk being led astray into drugs or delinquency. They end up emotionally scarred, give up their education and live in abject poverty.
However, we hear that the Islamic Family Law (Federal Territories) Act 1984 is to be amended such that the irresponsible husband has a choice between jail or being made to obtain “indirect” assistance from his family to help pay alimony.
There is hope yet for these unfortunate women and their children, who have been thrown into terrible circumstances through no fault of their own. We hope the law will be passed by Parliament with speed.
January 24, 2009 at 12:30 pm |
Tearful dad to fight for full child visiting rights
By Irdiani Mohd Salleh 2009/01/23 NST
KUALA LUMPUR: A father’s three-year battle for visitation rights to his four children ended yesterday when the Syariah High Court granted him conditional visits. A Muslim convert, Muhammad Shariffudin Shori Abdullah, 37, however, was not happy with the decision.
“I’m shocked and disappointed,” he told the New Straits Times.
“I need my kids and I love them very much. This is unfair,” he said with tears flowing.
He had expected visitation rights without conditions.
Syariah High Court judge Mukhyuddin Ibrahim yesterday ruled that Shariffudin could only visit the children on alternate weekends.
He has to see them at the house of his ex-wife, Fauziah Abdul Aziz, 39.
He is also not allowed to take the children out of the house or keep them overnight.
The order is effective until the court makes a final decision. The court also rejected Shariffudin’s application to re-enrol his first child, Rafael Insya Shori, 14, in his previous school, Mutiara International Grammar School. Fauziah had transferred the boy to SMK St John.
“I just want the best education for my child. “Furthermore, it’s my father and I who were paying for the international school fees,” said Shariffudin, who is a freelance cameraman.
Shariffudin claimed that Fauziah had not allowed him to see his children — Rafael, Zachary Bishen Dutt Shori, 9, Chantel Illyka Ann Shori, 5, and Janell Anne Das Jeremiah, 4 — since their divorce three years ago because his family was Christian.
They were married in 1993 but divorced in 2005.
“I was beaten-up by my ex-wife’s brothers when I went to my son’s school to see him. “I’m not a criminal. I just want to see my children,” Shariffudin said.
“With the court’s decision, I can see them, but it’s under a very hostile environment as Fauziah is staying with her family and her new husband.
“She is using the religion reason against me. I converted to Islam even before I married her and I’m still a Muslim.
“In this matter, we should put race and religion aside. I’m the father of the children.”
He also said Fauziah’s remarriage in 2007 was to his brother-in-law.
“The man was a Christian and was first married to my sister. But he converted to Islam and married my ex-wife,” he said, claiming that his sister and her ex-husband were not officially divorced.
“I don’t have the intention to take the children away from their mother. All I want is my rights as a father to see them without any conditions,” he said, adding that he would discuss the next course of action with his lawyer.
March 5, 2009 at 4:49 pm |
1) Breaking Up Marriages benefits Lawyers
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zg-ZSnpf5I8
2) Divorce is Ugly Business
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dWGVSTvgAN0&feature=related
3) Divorce affects children
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ld9TNx3ig1w&feature=related
4) Divorce in a Child’s Eyes
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D3z1Q571EWk&feature=related
5) Divorce and Children
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FDfQBEHCCtw&feature=related
6) Divorce harms children
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jbpBmLASTLg&NR=1
7) Children of Divorce
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L6frbfQnpiI&NR=1
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rFNz0xQXw0c&feature=related
9) Part#1: How Divorce Affects Family Dynamics
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A0LUbtHXJQI&feature=related
10) Children in Pain
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rWvFTBM6FHc&feature=related
11) 10 Avoidable Mistakes for Divorced Parents & Children-Channel 13
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0fqpXW0ALk4&feature=related
12) The Wrong Way to be a Parent during a Divorce http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QS7sAbFdXKI&feature=related
13) Richard Gardner’s Threat Therapy
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EldloUiHKwE&feature=related
14) Effects of Divorce on Men
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nm12hCrKVps&feature=related
March 30, 2009 at 11:02 am |
Lady: : Walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist for some ARSENIC.
Pharmacist : “Ma’am, what do you want with ARSENIC?
Lady : To kill my husband.”
Pharmacist: “I can’t sell you ARSENIC to kill a person!”
Lady : Shows a photo of a man and a woman in a compromising position.
Lady : This man is my husband and the woman is your wife.
Pharmacist : Takes the photo, and nods.
Pharmacist : “I didn’t realize you had a prescription!”
June 29, 2009 at 10:23 am |
All NEGATIVE feelings are related to FEAR at the same time all positive ones are related to love, thus, doubt, anger, envy, vengeance, shame and jealousy are a form of FEAR on the other hand, trust, compassion, joy, gratitude, appreciation are associated to love.
All emotions are an important part of ourselves and should be welcome and never avoided, when you detect a feeling coming to you, as it happens hundreds of time each day, let them in, do not resist them as to do so is to generate stress.
The best way to react to negative feelings of fear and doubt is to accept them as they come in to your body energy centers, as this happen internalize and experience the tension in your chest, pit of the stomach or throat, analyze your thoughts do not resist them.
Remember, you can never change the person or event causing the pain, you can either react in anger and blame yourself or others for what is taking place or you can react with love and trust toward yourself another person or circumstance generating the FEAR.
September 25, 2009 at 12:04 pm |
$ The One Common Denominator $
If you are searching for the common denominator in your life, you are in luck. You are it.
Now that you know you are the ONLY consistent factor in any situation, you can begin to figure out how YOU are contributing to your recurring challenges and problems.
This is great news because, once you REALIZE you are at least part of the problem, you can begin to change your BEHAVIOUR, BELIEFS and ATTITUDES that are contributing to the situation.
Keep in mind that you have to concern YOURSELF only with you, not with anyone else.
You are the ONLY ONE WHOM YOU CAN CHANGE.
So DO NOT focus outside yourself.
Focus on the common denominator.
You will be amazed the difference this process will make in your life.
September 28, 2009 at 12:01 pm |
Before Marriage
Adam: Ah.. At last. I can hardly wait!
Eve : Do you want me to go away?
Adam: No! Don’t even think about it!
Eve : Do you love me?
Adam: Of course! always have and always will!
Eve : Have you ever cheated on me?
Adam: No! Why are you even asking?
Eve : Will you kiss me?
Adam: Every chance I get!
Eve : Will you hit me?
Adam: Hell No! Are you crazy?!
Eve : Can I trust you?
Adam: Yes
Eve : Darling!
After Marriage
Read it from bottom to top!